Dating is like a gateway drug. You’ve got to “date” in order to find a partner. If you are not clear on what you want in a relationship, dating is going to bring you a lot of people who are not ready, not available, and not very evolved. The goal of dating is to find someone to love.
For some, online dating is the gateway to finding someone who is outside of our normal spheres of influence. The first step is introductions. Then a few dates to see if you’re still compatible. And at some point, you’re going to declare each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. At that point, you are officially dating. Everything up to that is courtship and “hello dates.”
I’ve had success with online dating. I also see much of the online activity as a waste of time. If you’re not going out on “hello dates” you’re really just playing at the idea of dating. Find me somebody to love. Let’s get to a first date and see where things go. We can’t get to relationships unless we are testing and trying things while dating.
We want to keep improving with each dating experience. It takes time. There will be hits and misses along the dating journey. If you have a strategy you can work the dating system quicker to find better matches.
I have been in relationships where drinking was more a part of our fabric. I was more of a drinker in college, and I recall many a buzzed afternoon on my roof deck enjoying some summer rum punch. Today, that sounds awful, but it's not because I don't like a buzz every now and then.
Maybe this is what women feel all the time. The men are sizing them up as they might size up a meal. I'm hungry, but I'm interested in a woman who stays YES first. THEN I will show her my Tiger.
Get real about your online dating plan: So, dating again really takes a new mindset. Define what is perfect for you, then dial it back by 80% and let the 20% of the unknown be a surprise left for you to discover.
You need to get your communications strategy in place. And then if the other person has a different pace or different style you can figure out how to adjust.
Connected sex is what I'm after and what drives my fulfilling feelings. I get closeness from sex. I get relaxation and bonding from sex. And with my wiring (my Love Language is touch) sex or "skin time" is important. But skin time can be cuddling. Or hugging and kissing on the couch.
I didn't need a horrible family life to get my act together. That's what happened in my childhood, and this is who I am as a result, but it might have been different. Let me take a run at having a relationship that starts out with a healthy bias rather than one of recovery and repressed emotions.
And I'm driving back from the spiritual event last night, the moonroof is open, the music is pumping and she takes off her panties in the passenger seat of the beamer. It is a perfect moment.
You have all the time you need. There is no hurry. Relax. Enjoy each other. Savor each step of the process. Don't skip the anticipatory foreplay along the path. And let yourself fall in love with your eyes wide open.