Co-parenting is the process of becoming a partner with the other parent of your children. It begins the minute you discuss having children. The co-parenting agreement should span a lifetime, including what happens in the case of divorce. Start at 50/50 shared parenting? Agree to 50/50 shared parenting in divorce. Become great co-parents. Equals. Allies. Focused on your children and how you can support each other in the difficult journey ahead.
Even if your ex decides not to co-parent collaboratively with you, they are co-parenting, but in a negative way. You want what’s best for your children. You want a good co-parenting relationship. You want your kids to love you both. Weaponizing co-parenting is a toxic move. Stay positive. If you can’t co-parent nicely, then co-parent without negative inputs.
It only takes ONE PARENT to hold a positive post-divorce relationship. The enlightened parent can lessen the conflict at every stage of co-parenting. When I learned that positive only was the track I was on with my ex-wife, my co-parenting success was no longer tied to her poor behavior.
Dads give their kids different qualities. Dads play differently. Dads love differently. But the assumption that the mom is the emotional center of the family and the dad is the financial engine is outdated and unfair to both the kids and the dad.
My kids would've gotten a better version of me. We would've stayed a bit closer as a family, even after I left, because the bills would all be split. And my house would've been just as comfortable as mom's house.
I have shown my children how to recover from a loss, and become happier, and more intentional in their lives.
Boundaries are constantly changing between you and your commitments. And people with unhealthy, or unarticulated (unknown or misunderstood) boundaries are more at risk of losing their daily momentum to the will and requests of everyone around them.
Sure, I believe my ex wants our kids to be healthy and happy. And somewhere she got in her mind that being the PRIMARY PARENT after the divorce was *in the best interest of the children.*
At this very moment: my joy is infinite; my happiness is connected to some higher power; inner contentment and creative energies have come into balance
I'd love to know the perfect advice for my two kids, heading into their new lives of college and eventually a career. Both seem well oriented towards their chosen professions.
If we can see and seek the balanced parenting approach we might be able to continue that holistic love even as the marriage comes apart.