Co-parenting is the process of becoming a partner with the other parent of your children. It begins the minute you discuss having children. The co-parenting agreement should span a lifetime, including what happens in the case of divorce. Start at 50/50 shared parenting? Agree to 50/50 shared parenting in divorce. Become great co-parents. Equals. Allies. Focused on your children and how you can support each other in the difficult journey ahead.
Even if your ex decides not to co-parent collaboratively with you, they are co-parenting, but in a negative way. You want what’s best for your children. You want a good co-parenting relationship. You want your kids to love you both. Weaponizing co-parenting is a toxic move. Stay positive. If you can’t co-parent nicely, then co-parent without negative inputs.
It only takes ONE PARENT to hold a positive post-divorce relationship. The enlightened parent can lessen the conflict at every stage of co-parenting. When I learned that positive only was the track I was on with my ex-wife, my co-parenting success was no longer tied to her poor behavior.
Many men get tossed into the deadbeat dad category by their wives who are looking to score the package, regardless of the dad's parenting skills, their loving availability for their kids, and often discounting the dads even if they are the ones who hold down the emotional and logistical side of the household.
Then as our lives spun into the dark void of micro-alienation and bitterness, and as my ex-wife continued to spit vile at me, I began this journey to become positive about all that I was going through.
The pitch: "Ferris Bueller gets a divorce."
We can hold on, we can fight/struggle/counsel to make things work. We can sacrifice so many aspects of our lives to try and keep the marriage together. And in this sublimation, we can become separated from our own inner truth, our own listening and responding heart, as we try and compromise and grow and hope for the eventual LOVE we believe will heal us.
After 11-years, my child support has been paid and my two children have launched from their mom's house. I am rebuilding for time lost with some success. What I lost I can never regain. What I can hope for is that my future years are going to be the best part of my relationship with my two kids.
I alone am responsible for how I navigate each day of my life. My care team comes into play when I have questions or need a fresh perspective on what I'm struggling with. Make sure you've got people around you that you can contact when you need them.
It will take a long time for me to rebuild my relationship with the kids, but I will. And they will know the story of this angry divorce saga over time. They will ask about "what happened?" They will ask about the lies.
I am sorry you’re going through a tough time. Divorce and breakups suck. I am here to give you hope and help you put your plan together for a better life.