Co-parenting is the process of becoming a partner with the other parent of your children. It begins the minute you discuss having children. The co-parenting agreement should span a lifetime, including what happens in the case of divorce. Start at 50/50 shared parenting? Agree to 50/50 shared parenting in divorce. Become great co-parents. Equals. Allies. Focused on your children and how you can support each other in the difficult journey ahead.
Even if your ex decides not to co-parent collaboratively with you, they are co-parenting, but in a negative way. You want what’s best for your children. You want a good co-parenting relationship. You want your kids to love you both. Weaponizing co-parenting is a toxic move. Stay positive. If you can’t co-parent nicely, then co-parent without negative inputs.
It only takes ONE PARENT to hold a positive post-divorce relationship. The enlightened parent can lessen the conflict at every stage of co-parenting. When I learned that positive only was the track I was on with my ex-wife, my co-parenting success was no longer tied to her poor behavior.
Today, nearly a year later, I am still a deadbeat dad on the record. Despite several calls to the AG's office and several agreements to resolve and close the child support account, I am still in arrears by $1.39.
I genuinely believe that family laws are corrupt and need to be reset to start at 50/50 parenting with no child support. I love helping moms understand single dads and how to relate to them.
My role now is very similar to my non-custodial dad role. I don't have a lot of time or opportunities to engage with my kids. I have to reach out. Keep reaching out. And let go of any outcome.
Let your kids go. Let your sons fall down and pick themselves back up. Let your loneliness be filled by someone other than your kids. Let your new partner into the starting lineup.
The loss of my kids as a 30% dad was not my choice. The ongoing bs of resentment and entitlement was not about me. My ex-wife's anger and resentment, here 11-years later, is 100% self-inflicted.
When divorce with children is your path be prepared for a lot of highs and lows. You can do it. And your efforts will be rewarded later. Your kids will never know what you went through to stay in their lives, but they will appreciate your presence and loving guidance well into adulthood.
How do you find your community? Can you bring more creative energy to your life path? Do you know what things give you aspirational ideas? How can you begin to celebrate and nurture your own Alive Tribe?
Let go of your anger in any way you can, that does not involve your kids or your ex. And rebuild your best life by focusing on your actions and words. Move forward towards the hope that your kids will be healthy and undamaged by the divorce.