Divorce is not the end of the world. However, it's often the end of most dad's major bonding and influence with his kids. Most divorces end with dads being marginalized by the family court precedents.
In the final settlement, I got something called the Standard Possession Order, which amounts to a split of time that works out to 30% for the dad, 70% for the mom. I was losing 2/3 of my time with you and your brother. My biggest fear was coming true.
You can't have kids by yourself. Your partner is just as important. Why would it be different when you no longer live together?
Release the relationships that are not meeting your basic conditions of satisfaction. And nourish and build relationships that build warm and fuzzy connections.
But, when the parter continues to shut down or respond in unhealthy and indifferent ways and refuses to own their side of the problem, it might be time for some serious reconsideration.
The narcissist must keep the secret until they die. To apologize would be to admit she was wrong. My ex-wife is a deadbeat mom.
There are plenty of times when it's difficult not being with my kids. But what I can give them is 110% dad when they are with me. I have the rest of the time, when they are not with me, to heal and focus on myself and my goals.
My motto for dealing with my ex-wife and her anger: Focus on your children. Love your children.