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My Eleven Years as a Deadbeat Dad: Defining the Term Deadbeat Mom

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If you enter the word Deadbeat into Google you get very telling results.

deadbeat mom

It’s obvious we have a cultural bias towards men in marriage, divorce, and child support. But the term deadbeat refers to both men and women. When it’s a deadbeat mom it means something different.

Deadbeat Mom

When a woman weaponizes the Attorney General’s *Enforcement* Arm it has nothing to do with child support, it’s about punishing the dad. My wife had ZERO concern that she was not going to get all of her child support money. She was interested in hurting me. She didn’t like seeing me happy. Having our kids enjoy spending time at my house and then coming back to her and asking her to do things differently.

“We asked Mom to wake us for school more like you do. We’re always in a rush and running late at her house.”

Yes, it’s true, I was the wakeup-and-get-the-kids-to-school dad. I was the loving and kind parent. I was NEVER a deadbeat dad. BUT, my ex-wife doesn’t like that I’m happy. She (obviously) doesn’t like my writing or my books. (It’s okay, she changed her name when she got married again.) And, even today, she still fires off bullsh*t texts to my son and daughter to charge them up in some angry way.

With one kid I have an understanding. The other kid still relies on his mom a bit too much. Perhaps, believes her lies.

So, a deadbeat mom is a woman who uses the AG’s system to collect child support from absent dads. Even if the dad is struggling with finances, he’s trying to pay you all you are owed. It’s a lot. I was paying my ex-wife over $2k per month. I had to hustle to find a bigger job. And when I had finally landed the job, and bought a tiny house that would barely fit me and my two kids, she went and filed with the AG’s office. She didn’t like me having good weekends with my kids. Maybe she was punishing me for my kids’ comments about wake-up routines.

Compassion Over Entitlement

If my wife had been compassionate, she would’ve understood that attacking me, and setting the AG’s office on me, was bad for all of us. It had an immediate effect on my kids. I needed to refinance my house a year later and the AGs office killed all of my options. I had to firesale the house and move back in with my mom. I’m guessing she gloated over that.

But what would cause a former lover and the parent of my two kids to become so vindictive? This blog, perhaps. But I’m thinking is more about her. Her unhappiness infects everything around her. Mainly, her vision is blurred and she only thinks about her own agenda and her own needs. In this case, she was unable to see how hurtful actions toward me would always cause collateral damage to our kids.

Why would a parent try to hurt their co-parent? Why would one parent try and poison the parenting relationship between her kids and their dad?

She was ENTITLED to child support. Yes. And I agreed to the child support. And, the economy took a few of my jobs away in the history of our co-parenting journey, and each time, the AG’s office was instrumental in crushing my ability to dig out. At one point, I was even asking my ex-wife for referral letters saying I was a good dad. That must’ve been a gloatable moment she shared with her new husband. I might have had them write a few extras (10) just to give them more busy work.

The entitlement of moms after divorce is notorious. The abuse of the AG’s child support system is also a common occurrence. Let’s see: she got the money, she got 70% of the kid-time, she got the house and the car that was paid for, what was she so mad about? What causes parents to be alienators? What causes parents to attack their co-parents?

Child support should be a shared project. When I was unemployed and my ex-wife was making $100,000, don’t you think the child support could’ve paused for a minute? I didn’t want money from her. I wanted compassion.

I continued to make requests to discuss removing the AG’s chokehold on me.

Mostly the answer was, “What’s in it for me?” In response to the above request, her frequent responses became, “not working on.”

What she is saying is, “I don’t have time for your BS about the child support. ASAP meant at some point in the future, undetermined.

What’s In It For The Deadbeat Parent?

My ex-wife has enjoyed a comfortable lifestyle in a house that I paid for initially and continued to pay for after the divorce via child support. She got remarried. She’s remodeling a new house. She made a ton of money selling the house we lived in. Good for her. Why does she continue to harbor such anger and resentment? I guess “not currently working on” is sort of the bucket for anything related to being a decent human being to the father of our children. It seems so odd. She’s the winner. She got the divorce and the terms she wanted. She should be happily remarried and unconcerned about me or fking up my relationships with our two kids. But she’s not.

When my ex-wife apologizes for the abuse of the AG’s office I will reconsider some of this information. Of course, we know, that’s not ever going to happen. The narcissist must keep the secret until they die. To apologize would be to admit she was wrong.

My ex-wife is a deadbeat mom.

What I had hoped for, and you can see my efforts over the last 9 years here on this website, is that we would be great co-parents. But again, “currently not working on” is the tab Dad is filed under. I’m not sure what they are working on, but they still ain’t happy about it.

Always Love,

John McElhenney – life coach austin texas
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+++ extra tidbit of info +++

US states parenting after divorce

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