Truth is a spiritual process.
Turns out, we all lie. White lies, excuses, slightly tall tales. Beginning to admit your truth, at all cost, is a path that leads to a simpler life, a more serene walk, an honesty that slices through the noise of our modern-day stressful lives. Let’s take a right turn towards an abundant life by always seeking to tell the damn truth.
Many of us grew up in dysfunctional families. And what we learned, in our early childhood is how to lie. We create lies about why our alcoholic parent is behaving badly. We learn to cover things up. We create fantasies about how our life should be. Lies we tell to our friends at school. Lies we tell ourselves when we go to sleep. It is the lies that actually protect us from the extreme damage that could result from confronting or contradicting the angry parent. We cannot tell the truth, to ourselves, to other members of our family, and most certainly not to our friends.
What would it look like today if you stopped telling white lies? It’s a soul challenge. Imagine not one single lie. Not even a “sorry I missed your call” lie. Nada.
I’d have to clean up a lot of leaky aspects of my life and relationships. What if we had to say the truth when asked, no matter what? Turns out, this idea is a radical shift that is harder than it sounds. And according to Dopamine Nation, a transformative process. I can see how my little lies can cascade into bigger deceptions. What if, like Jimmy Carrie, in Liar Liar, we simply could not do it. If we are asked a direct question we have to give a direct and clear answer.
Okay, so let’s make this a small experiment. Who’s in? Let’s take ONE 24-hour period. And absolutely tell our truth. I already feel a bit nervous about this one, so I know it’s where an edge is for me. Even today, as I try and heal myself from past traumas and past relationship failures, I’m afraid of telling the truth. I’m afraid of others’ anger. I’m triggered by people getting really mad at me. And when they have a temper… Well, I’d rather not.
Today, as of 10 am, I’m going to go 24-hours with absolutely zero lies. Can you do it?
One step along the path toward Radical Honesty.
I can see how this will refine my walk through life a bit. I’m willing to try a 24-hour test. I’ll let you know if I fk up.
Keep Returning To the Truth, No Matter What
I will check in here tomorrow morning and give an update. And even if I slip, will continue my shining path toward TRUTH.
Truth is a spiritual process. Not settling for half-truths is an acid test. And perhaps this “edge” will give me some insight and relief from burnout and anxiety. I’m feeling pretty good these days, but I can do better. Much better. And yet it comes with significant risk. Let’s see how the next 24-hours goes.
24-HOUR UPDATE: I was 100% honest. It wasn’t all that hard, but I isolated a bit to keep my interactions down. (No, that’s a joke.) I can see how radical honesty is an edge. When you want to fib to let someone down easy, it’s harder to say, “No I’m not going to your party because I don’t like your parties.” And while it might hurt some feelings along the way, life is too damn short to tell white lies to make others feel better.
Let’s be TRUTHFUL at 100%. And when we fail, promptly get back on the truth train. What do you think?
How I Can Help
I am a relationship coach and a dating coach. I coach women in 1 x 1 zoom or facetime calls. I work in monthly blocks (4 sessions). We establish a relationship. I become your wingman in navigating and sorting through the bullshit of dating and relationships. If you are here, you’ve probably already read some of my opinions. If we’re a fit, we will both know on our first call.
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- Heading Into Love for Life OR Intoxicated by My Own Desire
- Sexual Fulfillment: I Don’t Know The Answer, Let’s Find Out Together
- You Saw the Red Flags, Right? Why We Lean In When We Should Leave
- Mind the Gap: Listening for the Signals from Your Lover
- Emotional Variability: Healthier Living Through Mindful Awareness
Some Books from John McElhenney:
- Single Dad Seeks: Dating Again After Divorce: Advice and Strategies on Learning How to be Loved Again
- Fall of the House of Dad: My journey through divorce, from loss to joy, again and again
- The Third Glass: When Drinking Becomes An Issue
- A Good Dad’s Guide to Divorce: One father’s quest to stay connected with his children