When I was younger and my parents began to struggle with a long protracted divorce, I begged for Jesus/God to help them stay together. I prayed all the time for my dad to stop killing himself with alcohol and cigarettes.
On a good day, I can let that dark thought go. On a bad day, I just want to crawl back in bed and try not to wake up.
And each time I strive towards a lover and a lifetime partner, I open my heart in a new way with a new resolve to be the best partner and lover I can be. Until I find the woman who can push back completely into my love hurricane and match it with a tsunami of their own, I'm going to keep seeking.
I am learning to ask. I am learning to fall completely head-over-heels in love. Perhaps my choices have not all worked out, but they have all involved 100% effort on my part. And my love has soared to higher highs than I knew possible.
When you are involved in something vigorous, your attention and judgment are often heightened. You are more likely to get a true read on a partner while you are playing tennis, for example.
As we become clearer in our boundaries, in what is good for us and what is not good for us, we can make choices more easily. When something doesn't feel good, we're able to say, "NO. This will not work for me."
Finding and keeping love is about going to the well every single time. And when you find fire pouring accelerant on it by really, fully, and truly, asking for what you want. You must go for it to get it.
What if I knew what I wanted and was unafraid to ask? How would that change my star map of seeking?