Returning to my life today, there are so many moving parts, so many hyper-good moving parts, that my entire body, soul, mind, is a bit out of balance. I've been taking aggressive action to reestablish my calm center. But I've been pouring gasoline on the flames even as I'm trying to breathe and "take it easy."
If you can pause and consider the gap when you feel frustrated or impatient, you can tune in to your own feelings more accurately. And if you give your partner the opportunity to fill the gap you may learn something you didn't know, and something you couldn't have learned had you continued to be a gap crasher.
I must be seeking the spotlight. In many ways this blogging thing, even blogging about sensitive and personal things, has become a natural expression of my life. Should I stop writing about dating because I am not dating? Will I be disappointed when the world does not embrace my new band and album of material? Am I seeking fame just to see if I can fill up some empty part of myself?
It may have sparks, fits, and restarts, but it will have a fire, the BIG LOVE FIRE that burns away all the past issues and traumas that need to be released.
It's not my will. It's not just my plans and actions. It's not my mindset. It's not my friends, family, or lovers.
Once the connection is established and reality-testing routines have been operating for a few weeks, it might be time to give in to the optimism that says YES to everything and anything.
Today, I can say, I'm content and ambitious at the same time. I'm creatively alive and vibrant, without too much focus on the outcome. I write, I sing, I pray, for my own pleasure and enjoyment.
Live some life together, out of the bedroom, and see how the relationship part of the partnership goes. It will become obvious if there are lifestyle or emotional differences. And when you keep the raging hormones at bay you can see this person without the rose-colored glasses.