If you meet someone and the sexual chemistry is OFF THE CHARTS run the other way.

What Most of Us Get Wrong About Sexual Chemistry

What is “the heat* exactly? What are the electrical and chemical changes that begin to happen when we are near a hot match? Here are a few of the signals I pick up on when things are about to burst into flames:

• I can’t explain the intoxication I am feeling
• My mind reels with the potential partnering
• My slow approach gets rejected for a “let’s go” mentality
• Our energy begins building and swirling as we meet and talk
• I can’t get my mind out of your dress

But not all of what is happening are good things, though they seem fun in the moment.

• If we lead with sex we’re going to short-circuit our long-term potential
• Sex is not always a good indicator of compatibility our emotional stability outside the bedroom
• I’m hungry, I’m frustrated, I’m rutting a bit
• I am out of touch with my own goals and needs (everything has defaulted to sexual progress, as fast as possible

Sexual Chemistry Can’t Be Faked

When there is zero sexual chemistry you will also know it. It’s disappointing. A fine match on paper, a beautiful potential partner, and zero on the buzz factor. There’s got to be some sexual chemistry for a true partnership to emerge successfully. But, the sexual side of the relationship-building process might need to be tamped down a bit, lest the blase engulf you both in a hot but dysfunctional relationship.

Sexual Chemistry Is One Key to a Lasting Relationship

You want to be hot for your partner. It’s part of what makes the long-term prospect possible. There can be infinite possibilities to keep your sexual interest alive with someone who sparks your imagination. If the chemistry is a slow build, that’s okay, but you should feel the pull right at the start. The sexual charge cannot be faked. If I don’t have it, if you don’t feel it, we’re not going to make it very far down the road. Better to lose because the sexual chemistry plateaued rather than there being zero sexual chemistry from the beginning.

In order to understand your sexual chemistry DNA, you’ve got to explore all the angles of your sexual experience (so far) and your sexual adventurousness (for the road ahead) and make some decisions. What are you looking for in a sexual partner? What sexual ideas are interesting but untried? And what kind of stuff is out-of-bounds? The more in touch you are with your sexual pleasure and sexual proclivities the easier it will be for you to sort out your own sexual chemistry and the chemical reaction that happens when you add various kinds of partner chemistry. It’s all about how the two people combine: to explode or to expand into something new and different.

What’s Your Sexual Chemistry Radar?

Do you know what you are looking for in a sexual partner?

• Someone with more experience than you, to teach you some stuff
• Someone willing to explore new and fun things
• Someone who owns their own sexual pleasure, even as you begin navigating sharing it together
• Someone who wants to understand the DNA of your heightened sexual experience, so they can push things along in ever more connected and satisfying ways
• Someone who asks for their needs
• Someone who is *on fire* with you

One thing that is proven again and again: you cannot judge sexual chemistry from online dating or profile photos. Sexual chemistry is something that happens immediately when you meet someone in the real world for the first time. Not all sexual chemistry is a wildfire of “let’s get it on.” But most of the sexual tension and sexual awareness comes from recognizing your own desire, your own needs, and how you imagine this person fitting in and even pushing the envelope a bit. I want a bit of an edge to my sexual chemistry.

Tell me a little bit about your sexual chemistry signals, good or bad. What are some ways you test for sexual compatibility BEFORE you take your clothes off?

Namasté,

John McElhenney – life coach austin texas
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