Becoming a single dad was one of the most traumatic events of my life. I did not want the divorce, I fought against the divorce, and ultimately I agreed to collaborative divorce and was taken to the cleaners by an ex who decided to go for the “divorce package” rather than honor our 50/50 shared parenting agreement.
As you look to build the long term relationship with a spouse, remember your kids are important, and in some ways, they are priority number one, but that will change over time. As you become less of a priority in their lives, as they move on to college and their own lives, you will be left with what's next.
One positive parent can make 100% of the difference. I'm not perfect, and occasionally I want to lash out when she does something that seems unreasonable. I don't. I never do.
This morning I give thanks for the flexibility and caring my ex-wife shows me and my kids when they ask for some new connection. We've both worked hard to get here. And as we work better together everyone benefits.
When I set out on this journey, three years ago, to build a 100% positive divorce parenting blog, well... I knew there would be challenges.
I've given up imagining that my words or actions can change her in any way. We'd like to think we can make another person happy, or comfortable, or secure. Unfortunately, we cannot.
In my future, I have my ex-wife to thank for the hardship of used car loan rates in excess of 19%. And she could care less. She claims to be all compassionate and always interested in protecting the kids' interests. But suing your co-parent is not protecting anyone's interest.
Another year begins. My daughter is on to Volleyball, Basketball and Track/Tennis. And we're all back to our 70/30 routine. And I've got nothing to complain about and plenty to be grateful for.
And so, I've been girlfriend free since the end of the summer and it's fine. I'd rather not be. But I'd rather be alone that coping with another person's major emotional distress. I don't need drama or high theater.