I’m not writing this blog to my ex-wife, but there are times when I wish she would read my words. I still love her, because of our connection and history with children, but she makes it difficult to remain objective sometimes. One of my outlets is to work it out, alone, right here. Again, I’m certain she’s NOT reading me, but these posts could help our relationship. Soften her up a bit, perhaps. And then again, I’ve given up imagining that my words or actions can change her in any way. We’d like to think we can make another person happy, or comfortable, or secure. Unfortunately, we cannot.
My Ex-wife is Not Happy, But I Am Not the Reason
If I could give my ex-wife a quick list of posts to read, this would be the shortlist.
- Prayer for Single Parents, and My Ex
- Seven Strategies for Winning Divorce
- Love is the Goal, Discover Your Own Path
- The Spiritual Quest for Love
- Divorcing with Kids: The Golden Rule – It’s About Time Not Money
- Giving Your Co-parent a Break
- Loss of the Proximity Effect as a Divorced Dad
- Positive Divorce: From Blame To Forgiveness
As it is, we’re supposed to have moved on from the charged feelings towards our significant, but no longer spousal, other. When the anger and defensiveness is quick to surface there may still be some emotional work to do. Somedays I’d really like to send her a link to my prayer for her. I don’t. Again, I’ve learned it’s not for me to change her, but really learn to love and adapt to her as she is today.
She’s remarried. She’s got money again. She seems to be enjoying her job and the job of parenting, but she still complains a bit too much for me to buy the slick surface. I’m not taking her inventory here, I’m releasing her. I just wish my loving words could reach her some days. And I hope, every day, that my loving actions will soften her heart enough to give her peace.
“I wish you happiness in your new life, I always want to see you shine, you are the other half, the partner in this parenting journey we accepted together. Your joy is joy for our kids. Your peace is their peace, and mine. As we walk separate paths we are blameless and grateful for the gifts we’ve been given. And to you, my dear ex, I give the deepest respect and love. Thank you for where we’ve been, where we are, and where we are going, still a family, still parents, still blessed.”
- Get Into Your Divorce, Because You’ll Never Get Over It
- Learning What “Responsible Separation” Means
- The Transformation of Parenting in Marriage and Divorce
- Learning to Love In the Present Moment
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image: red flower, creative commons usage