Divorce is a cruel storm. If we could see our ex-partners as humans rather than combatants, we could begin to heal the pain. We’re in this together, no matter how it turns out. Humans of Divorce are people who are doing their best in spite of the negative actions of their co-parent.
It's going to get easier. You are going to be okay. Your kids are going to be okay. And, at some point in the future, you're going to look back on this event (the divorce) as one of the defining moments in your life. Act well. Learn to lean into the process of becoming a single parent.
If you don't know what you're looking for it's going to be harder to find. AND, if you don't know what magic you bring to the experience, it's also going to be harder to dial in a real fit. Finally, pictures. You don't need glamour shots.
I can forgive and still love each of these women in their various states of disrepair. I can walk away knowing I brought my best game into their lives. I can walk away with my heart still on my sleeve, because that's how I go through life. And I can refind my hopefulness.
Not a percentage of salary earned. No, she believed, still believes, that the child support is her entitlement. This is no longer a relationship it's just a business contract. I am no longer a person to her, I'm a debtor. I'm the problem. I'm the reason she's unhappy.
Regardless of what you hear from your girlfriends or boyfriends or legal counsel, it's best if the kids have equal access to both parents.
The complications in a teenaged boy's life are many. Dad's love should not be another complication. I am here for him. And I can chill out a bit on my outreach. He knows I'm here. I have always been here.
So she's mad. She got what she wanted and she's still mad. Oh, and I'm still writing. I guess that's the hot poker that is still painfully inserted and irremovable.
Once the connection is established and reality-testing routines have been operating for a few weeks, it might be time to give in to the optimism that says YES to everything and anything.