Dating is like a gateway drug. You’ve got to “date” in order to find a partner. If you are not clear on what you want in a relationship, dating is going to bring you a lot of people who are not ready, not available, and not very evolved. The goal of dating is to find someone to love.
For some, online dating is the gateway to finding someone who is outside of our normal spheres of influence. The first step is introductions. Then a few dates to see if you’re still compatible. And at some point, you’re going to declare each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. At that point, you are officially dating. Everything up to that is courtship and “hello dates.”
I’ve had success with online dating. I also see much of the online activity as a waste of time. If you’re not going out on “hello dates” you’re really just playing at the idea of dating. Find me somebody to love. Let’s get to a first date and see where things go. We can’t get to relationships unless we are testing and trying things while dating.
We want to keep improving with each dating experience. It takes time. There will be hits and misses along the dating journey. If you have a strategy you can work the dating system quicker to find better matches.
I've found it very helpful to remain in the present moment when dating someone new. Try NOT to jump into the future scenarios, the "what ifs" and "what abouts." And when you are thinking that you both want the same thing, do some reality testing.
Dads understand parenting. Dads understand moms. Dads who are working at being good men are also looking to build a relationship on trust, vulnerability, and openness.
In a relationship that is not quite right, we (I am) are constantly on guard for things to begin going wrong. And either you work through those issues together or you don't. And if you don't you will be miserable trying to stay together. Better to move on.
I do believe I am enough. I am practicing mindfulness and self-care in a way that encourages my own inner confidence. And, in my real measure of attractiveness, I'm really joyful.
The dragon is your friend. The drama is your weakness. In using this process your blindspots become known dragons and can be tamed and befriended. You can then proceed to walk through life more like a dragon rider.
Let's find the lighter path together. And if we find ourselves walking along it together, and continually renewing our intentions to get together again, maybe that's enough. I'm really ready for the "ready and centered" woman to show up.
And with children, the divorce is never final, your relationship to the other parent goes on as long as your kids are alive. You never get over your divorce, but you can get through it.
Patience is not my nature, but it's probably my path forward. Jumping into a relationship that has big red flags is most definitely a path towards drama and disconnections.