Anger is a healthy emotion.
When you feel anger, what you do with the excess energy is all-important. Harness your anger to move towards your goals and dreams. Anger at ex-partners, anger at the state of the world, anger at a shitty manager, each is like little charging station to increase your blood pressure. Use that pressure to move your plans forward. Don’t look back in regret. Leave those people in the dust. Anger informs your soul. Listen to what hurts. And then, learn to move forward out of what is making you angry towards things that make you happy.
Suppressed anger leads to health issues, depression, rage, and addiction. By building a healthy response to your anger, you can begin to move your life towards happiness and contentment. Your anger towards someone else is YOUR issue. Let it go. Move onward and upward.
Toxic anger is like drinking poison and hoping it kills the other person. It’s only going to make you sick. Unresolved anger is not good for you or any of the people around you. Let go of your anger. Use anger for good.
Divorce is not the end of the world. However, it's often the end of most dad's major bonding and influence with his kids. Most divorces end with dads being marginalized by the family court precedents.
I walk away from this story knowing I did everything I could to keep the marriage alive. And after the divorce, I've done everything I can (outside of shutting down my writing) to be a good father, a good man, and a reasonable person.
What you can do, is support your kids with all of your heart and mind. And, in this case, when the other parent poops out and is too self-absorbed, you can step in and be the solid presence in your kids' lives.
1. Focus on yourself and your health/ 2. Give your kids 110% of your available attention / 3. Shutdown the angry communications with your ex
In the final settlement, I got something called the Standard Possession Order, which amounts to a split of time that works out to 30% for the dad, 70% for the mom. I was losing 2/3 of my time with you and your brother. My biggest fear was coming true.
You can't have kids by yourself. Your partner is just as important. Why would it be different when you no longer live together?
However, there's a different type of person out there. I was married to one. I have known of others. And they have a different set of criteria. They have flexibility when it comes to transparency and honesty.
Release the relationships that are not meeting your basic conditions of satisfaction. And nourish and build relationships that build warm and fuzzy connections.