I am not all that enthusiastic about being back in the dating pool. (Oh snap!) But, it’s a good reset period. Here are a few updates on my path back toward lovin arms.

1. Can you imagine it?
2. Do they inspire?
3. Do they show immediate interest?
4. There is no question at the end of the “hello date”
5. You are ready to jump in

In the morass that is online dating, you can actually learn some important things about yourself and your preferences. I tend to lean toward thin (I’m not) and dark hair. I look for joy in their profiles. I observe what they put out as important. Boob shots. No. Alcohol as a preference. No need to show us your margarita. Sunglasses are hiding what? A lifetime of excess cannot be repaired with surgery or fake eyelashes.

Know What You Are Bringing To the Party

It’s important to outline, even just for yourself, what you bring to a successful relationship. Here’s what I think I show in my profile. Fit. Creative. Aspirational. Romantic. Joy.

I observe myself as I swipe left and right. There are a lot of people who don’t look interested in dating at all. Maybe they don’t have any friends to take a picture of them, so they use what they can find. Usually not a great sign. I also notice the Trump hats, thanks, no. Smoothing on your photos makes you look like AI more than human. And if you’ve plumped your cheeks it’s going to be obvious.

Know What You Hope to Find

I would LOVE a tennis-playing partner. But, it’s not essential. What is important to me is that my partner have several cultivated interests. What do they do in their spare time? Where do they go hang out on a weekend when they are not in a relationship? What do they do with their free time?

My short list: fit, creative, joyous.

You can see joy in a photograph, but when you meet in person it’s “chemistry” when the yes chemicals are flooding your system. It’s also a warning sign. Sexual chemistry is great, but can also lead you in the wrong direction. Be aware. Listen. Ask a few open-ended questions about their hobbies, and their past relationships. How are things going for you right now?

It’s amazing what people will tell you about themselves. Many are immediate disqualifiers. Some are curious or intriguing. And it’s the “Wow!” that I’m hoping to find.

Be Intentional In Every Date

The online dating scene is entertainment for some. I’ve known women who never paid for drinks or a meal as a sport. They weren’t really interested in the person but were willing to give them hope for a few glasses of Pinot at a dark and romantic spot. Ug. False advertising. Please be who you say you are. If you say “live music” in your profile, know that I’m going ask you about it. “What’s the last show you saw?”

I want a partner, not a date. The dating part is to get to the romantic and relationship-building part. But, you can’t get to the prince without kissing a few frogs. I like to limit my amphibian smooches by adding a phone call in between the online stuff and the in-person stuff. It is hard to hide inside a conversation. I can hear your voice, your capacity to listen, and your enthusiasm for your own life.

Be intentional in your dating.

So, how’s your dating experience? Are you being 100% you, or trying to portray someone else, someone you’d like to be? I want to hear about your experiences. And if I can be of assistance, please reach out.