If there's an imbalance in the first weeks or months of the relationship, there are going to be bigger issues as you move deeper into the choppy waters of real relationship building.
It's got to start with me. I have to continue to refine my roll, continue to work on my own global takeover, continue to seek with an open heart and an open mind.
So alcohol is a bit like sex. It clouds your judgment. It allows you to overlook some of the red flags that might be obvious if you were sober. In my plans, I want to meet my partner in a truthy place.
My carnival is happy. And I have to understand that other's carnivals are not my responsibility. Not now. Not ever.
In my current life, the big love is the cushion that's keeping me going. As I wander this dark wilderness of grief and loss, I have a firm and tight hand to hold on to. A partner who is exploring what's next with me. Rain and shine.
I must be seeking the spotlight. In many ways this blogging thing, even blogging about sensitive and personal things, has become a natural expression of my life. Should I stop writing about dating because I am not dating? Will I be disappointed when the world does not embrace my new band and album of material? Am I seeking fame just to see if I can fill up some empty part of myself?
It may have sparks, fits, and restarts, but it will have a fire, the BIG LOVE FIRE that burns away all the past issues and traumas that need to be released.
It's not my will. It's not just my plans and actions. It's not my mindset. It's not my friends, family, or lovers.