Self-care takes many forms. What we know, is most of us do not take enough time off. We drink coffee to fuel our days and interrupt our nights. Self-care is the process of unwinding ourselves from the rat race and giving our bodies and our souls time to recharge, play, and be quiet.
By allowing you to experience and process your own distress, without my interference, I am giving you the utmost respect. I am viewing you as whole, strong, and capable. And in my affirmation of you and your inherent ability to be strong and sufficient, I am reaffirming my belief in you.
My motto for dealing with my ex-wife and her anger: Focus on your children. Love your children.
How aware are you of your current state of energy? Your mood? Your momentum and trajectory?
Give your partner the ravishing they are longing for and you might get your connection needs met at the same time. A win-win.
Now that they are mostly out of their mom's house they have a bit more autonomy of thought. And when she throws a shitty bomb in between us, we can usually identify the *bs* and choose to not bite.
I believe, 100% that my kids would've benefitted by having equal time with me after the divorce. They would've gotten a more balanced picture of life, struggles, and recovering from hard setbacks.
It's hard when you're on the receiving end of someone else's trigger. But we can get better at identifying our own triggers and triggered moments. And there are ways to help our partners notice when the rage or sadness that is coming out of them, might be a bit bigger or deeper than the infraction that caused the initial pain.
I know that the drug of love is continuously renewing the purple haze of infatuation that continues to draw me onward, deeper into my commitment and devotion to this woman. And I'm okay with that. I'm okay with being in love with loving this woman.