There is no bridge that's going to make our relationship work again, so my longing necessarily stayed in my own heart. There is no sense in sharing our desires and hopes when the other person is not available. It only makes it hurt worse.
But, with each of my last three relationships, I learned some fundamental truths about myself in a relationship. I am not surprised that dating has little or no allure. I had such a wonderful partner. I learned what if felt like to be loved with abandon and openness. And I learned how far I could go before I broke down over the disconnections that continued to happen.
It is not our job to fix broken relationships or broken people. Our job is to show up in the arena of a relationship and do the best we possibly can to love and be loved.
What I do know for me, is that online dating has produced exactly two relationships. And, both relationships were beneficial and educational. But my belief is that online dating is a pretty lazy way to go about seeking a partner.
Once you have decided to move on, you must understand that your former partner owes you nothing. Closure is a myth we like to "go for" in our breakups, but closure is up to us as individuals.
Richard and Tina’s story started with a fairytale wedding on the beach and continued, to this point, for ten years, two kids, and counting. Our conversation continues as we dig into a bit more of their challenges and successes.
As long as we are getting closer, and we are learning from our relationship mistakes, we can pick ourselves up after a breakup, knowing that we gave 100%. And, more importantly, we are closer and better equipped for the next potential partner that agrees to join us in "the arena."
Being in a loving relationship is a continuous process of micro-corrections in our everyday lives together. We will all have difficulties and disagreements, the trick is how we choose to address them as a couple. In a healthy and consciously aware relationship, we can make choices that move us towards our partner.