Love is the core skill and core need we all have. Many of us grew up in homes where love was conditional. If you behave this way I will love you. If you go against my wishes, I will exclude you from my love. This is not how love works. Love is universal energy, either you’re tapped into it and give it freely, or you are lacking in love.
I wish my co-parent all the joy and love in the world. I can no longer provide any of those things. But I can be a soft cushion when she needs to hit or collapse into something. I resolve not to hit back. But, I won't stand-in for the drama anymore. I will only take my responsibility. I will only pay attention to the business between us as we continue together in co-parenting.
And I can still recall twice in my life, the thrill of that moment when I realized my heart was spinning out of control and there was nothing I'd rather do than be with this other beautiful person. Whew! Only twice? Dang, that's inspiration enough.
Parenting is a life journey that I've committed myself to. My partner should have the same orientation. And tennis, being my favorite sport, is a passion that if shared, can unlock a lot of positive feelings and shared time together.
Hitting delete instead of send can make all the difference. I had another one of those moments this morning. An email from the mother of my children saying some passive-aggressive things…
Still, I'm not sure where her playful person went. I was offering new ideas while I was also trying to accommodate her "clean house" and "stable bank account" requirements. But I don't think she ever put a LOVE LIST together.
You see, I notice when you are gone. Not to be creepy or anything, but I notice you are not here every day. And I can tell sometimes, when we are together, that you too are longing for more time. So let's make the most of what we do have.
Spend time together. Keep checking in with each other and with yourself. "How does it feel?" Let the answer to that question guide your relationship decisions. And remember, kissing can lead to lovemaking, if you both want to head in that direction.
Here's a rough Radiohead cover song of All I Need.