Dating is like a gateway drug. You’ve got to “date” in order to find a partner. If you are not clear on what you want in a relationship, dating is going to bring you a lot of people who are not ready, not available, and not very evolved. The goal of dating is to find someone to love.
For some, online dating is the gateway to finding someone who is outside of our normal spheres of influence. The first step is introductions. Then a few dates to see if you’re still compatible. And at some point, you’re going to declare each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. At that point, you are officially dating. Everything up to that is courtship and “hello dates.”
I’ve had success with online dating. I also see much of the online activity as a waste of time. If you’re not going out on “hello dates” you’re really just playing at the idea of dating. Find me somebody to love. Let’s get to a first date and see where things go. We can’t get to relationships unless we are testing and trying things while dating.
We want to keep improving with each dating experience. It takes time. There will be hits and misses along the dating journey. If you have a strategy you can work the dating system quicker to find better matches.
Keep sex out of the game until you are sure you want to give this relationship a long-term shot. Sex clouds everything. Sex blinds us to the red flags that could be burning right before our eyes. When the sex hormones kick in we are no longer capable of making rational decisions.
Both Tinder and Bumble repeatedly show the same profiles again. They might rotate in a different profile pic for the 2nd and 3rd time they show you Jason, but it's the same Jason.
However, there's a different type of person out there. I was married to one. I have known of others. And they have a different set of criteria. They have flexibility when it comes to transparency and honesty.
Parenting is a spiritual journey that you enter when your kids are born. The relationships you have as parents may change over time, but your parenting is a huge part of what gives your life meaning. To me, my kids are everything. And to my partner, my love of their kids and their love of my kids, is unfathomable and wonderful when it happens.
Release the relationships that are not meeting your basic conditions of satisfaction. And nourish and build relationships that build warm and fuzzy connections.
When a woman files for divorce a man loses half of his wealth instantly and 70% of his kids' time.
Alignment with our hearts and minds is only useful if there is heat to fuel your adventures together. Let's keep the fires burning, while jointly navigating the star maps. Our destination might be unknown, but our partnership gets more solid and joyful with each passing day we spend together.
This Father's Day I will recommit to being the best father I can be. I will strengthen my relationship with my kids whenever possible.