Dating is like a gateway drug. You’ve got to “date” in order to find a partner. If you are not clear on what you want in a relationship, dating is going to bring you a lot of people who are not ready, not available, and not very evolved. The goal of dating is to find someone to love.
For some, online dating is the gateway to finding someone who is outside of our normal spheres of influence. The first step is introductions. Then a few dates to see if you’re still compatible. And at some point, you’re going to declare each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. At that point, you are officially dating. Everything up to that is courtship and “hello dates.”
I’ve had success with online dating. I also see much of the online activity as a waste of time. If you’re not going out on “hello dates” you’re really just playing at the idea of dating. Find me somebody to love. Let’s get to a first date and see where things go. We can’t get to relationships unless we are testing and trying things while dating.
We want to keep improving with each dating experience. It takes time. There will be hits and misses along the dating journey. If you have a strategy you can work the dating system quicker to find better matches.
What would happen if a woman came along who was within my attractive range and was interested in a relationship? I guess I would get the opportunity to feel the pressure that I occasionally put on "dates." I'm not sure what's ahead, but I'm interested in finding out how I learn and grow in my next relationship, with a partner who wants a relationship.
I am happier when I am in a relationship. My body is happier. My soul is glowing with the connection I feel to another human being. And my needs are being met on all levels, as we align ourselves and tune into each other's lives.
Be good to yourself. Expect the best. Settle for nothing less than 100%. Sure, there is some flexibility with the nice-to-haves, but zero flex with the must-haves and red flags.
Learn to love your anger and what it is teaching you about yourself, your past, and how you want to move forward in the future.
If either participant becomes too overwhelmed (anger, sadness, hopelessness) it's time to take a break.
Once the connection is established and reality-testing routines have been operating for a few weeks, it might be time to give in to the optimism that says YES to everything and anything.
As single parents, I believe, that my kids and my connection to them are more important (just for this short period of time) than my happiness or my new relationship.
How can we make divorce part of an evolution towards happiness for all parties involved? I have been writing about and coaching single parents for five years. (A single parent…