Anger is a healthy emotion.
When you feel anger, what you do with the excess energy is all-important. Harness your anger to move towards your goals and dreams. Anger at ex-partners, anger at the state of the world, anger at a shitty manager, each is like little charging station to increase your blood pressure. Use that pressure to move your plans forward. Don’t look back in regret. Leave those people in the dust. Anger informs your soul. Listen to what hurts. And then, learn to move forward out of what is making you angry towards things that make you happy.
Suppressed anger leads to health issues, depression, rage, and addiction. By building a healthy response to your anger, you can begin to move your life towards happiness and contentment. Your anger towards someone else is YOUR issue. Let it go. Move onward and upward.
Toxic anger is like drinking poison and hoping it kills the other person. It’s only going to make you sick. Unresolved anger is not good for you or any of the people around you. Let go of your anger. Use anger for good.
I wish I could've had more time with my kids. I wish my then-wife had agreed to 50/50 shared parenting. I wish my ex-wife would be a more collaborative parent. But even as I wish about these things, even as I can feel regret about the lost time, I am HAPPIER NOW THAN I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY LIFE.
My role is to help you identify what's stressing you out, work on lessening that stress, and begin to focus on what's good for you. And as important, what's good for your kids. And here is a simple list of things we're going to work on together.
Also, as the man in the divorce, you have an opportunity to lead the process with grace and empathy. You cannot control how your ex behaves, the only thing you can control is your own response to the challenges ahead.
I suppose a pound of flesh is tasty when it is grilled over a flame of resentment and anger. She is acting out of spite and vitriol at this point. Again, she got what she wanted and she still came after me with the AG's office.
Divorce is not something you just "get over." And with kids, you never really get over it. I am learning to continuously forgive and forge ahead with my own life as a single dad.
I do think my ex-wife and I could've agreed to 50/50 parenting and gotten a judge to sign off on our agreement. But she would never have given up her legal/strategic advantage. Perhaps she was doing what she thought was best for the children. Perhaps. But I think she was more self-centered than that, she was doing what she wanted, regardless of the impact on the kids.
What I wanted (what I want) is stability and trust. What I want is something more authentic than I had in my marriage or with my fiance. What I want is someone who can lean into the troubles and work them out. What I want is someone who can express affection easily and frequently.
There is nothing to talk to my ex-wife about. That "friendly" concept was nice but has been firmly and explicatively rejected by her and her husband. And as I walk away from the wreckage of my co-parenting smashup, I am letting the curtain fall.