I am sad sometimes that I no longer have a partner and cheerleader in navigating these difficult times. But that role/relationship ended several years before the marriage did. And now I have two fabulous kids and their mom.
My ex-wife screwed me in the divorce and she and the therapist that setup our 70/30 parenting plan knew it. They were not basing their plans on science, but on "what's best for the kids" mythology that has been perpetuated since my parents got a divorce 49 years ago.
Nobody wins in a divorce, but we can keep either side from losing if we stay present and positive in the coming months of negotiation and planning.
And, please, don't aim barbs at your kids meant to hurt your former partner. It never works as expected. Arrows fired at your ex will always affect your children on the way to the target.
The first time when we were making love during this period, that I noticed things were off, I caught her looking out the window, seemingly bored. "Are you okay?" I asked.
Divorce Lessons: Don't panic. You can make it through this. The first step, taken willingly or with a push, is the hardest. And after a while, even free fall won't be so terrifying.
I took the idea of a collaborative divorce to heart. But in the end there was no collaboration. I lost all my issues. All that "collaborative" meant was that I wasn't going to sue my soon-to-be-ex during the negotiations of our divorce.
Every day she doesn't release me from the AG's supervision is a day that I wake up and have to forgive her for acting and continuing to act on her fear.