What you do together is life. What you think about doing together is imagination. Bringing those to ideas together into all the things you like to do, anticipate doing in the near future, and aspire to do as part of your long-term goals... All of this is part of building and nurturing a relationship for the future.
Find what you like and what she doesn't like. Find new things you can both explore together. And find how your needs, desires, and futures align.
As we become clearer in our boundaries, in what is good for us and what is not good for us, we can make choices more easily. When something doesn't feel good, we're able to say, "NO. This will not work for me."
Once I took my own anger out of the communication loop I began to heal and move on to the next stage.
Don't get caught up in nostalgia that doesn't inform or help you. When you find you're moping in the sadness of nostalgic regret, change the channel.
I can forgive and still love each of these women in their various states of disrepair. I can walk away knowing I brought my best game into their lives. I can walk away with my heart still on my sleeve, because that's how I go through life. And I can refind my hopefulness.
But I'm curious, for a population in their 40s - 50s, with "families" already established if the sexual drive is more similar in men and women? Do we both enjoy the sexual thoughts that come from people watching? Aren't we essentially doing the same thing? Asking that tried and true question of our inexperienced, and pre-family youth, "Would ya do them?"
If either participant becomes too overwhelmed (anger, sadness, hopelessness) it's time to take a break.