As we become clearer in our boundaries, in what is good for us and what is not good for us, we can make choices more easily. When something doesn't feel good, we're able to say, "NO. This will not work for me."
Once I took my own anger out of the communication loop I began to heal and move on to the next stage.
Don't get caught up in nostalgia that doesn't inform or help you. When you find you're moping in the sadness of nostalgic regret, change the channel.
I can forgive and still love each of these women in their various states of disrepair. I can walk away knowing I brought my best game into their lives. I can walk away with my heart still on my sleeve, because that's how I go through life. And I can refind my hopefulness.
But I'm curious, for a population in their 40s - 50s, with "families" already established if the sexual drive is more similar in men and women? Do we both enjoy the sexual thoughts that come from people watching? Aren't we essentially doing the same thing? Asking that tried and true question of our inexperienced, and pre-family youth, "Would ya do them?"
If either participant becomes too overwhelmed (anger, sadness, hopelessness) it's time to take a break.
Once the connection is established and reality-testing routines have been operating for a few weeks, it might be time to give in to the optimism that says YES to everything and anything.
"You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't change it." Focus on yourself and what's inside your hula hoop.