I’ve given my last 3-year relationship a bit of time. I’m healed and moving forward. I’m not exactly ready for a relationship, but…

Reboot Near the End of 2024

I added Bumble and Hinge to my phone recently and I have some observations. I’m going to try and be positive and not a hater.

1. First profile photos of your chest or butt might increase your clicks. The question is: who are you trying to attract?
2. A glass of wine in every photo might be telling a story you don’t intend.
3. In front of your private jet or Lake Cuomo getaway. Yeah, we all like travel and money. What else is interesting to you?
4. Proud tattoos. Great, thanks for the data point.
5. Guns. Trump hats. Flags. Big fish pics. Hard pass.
6. Fake eyelashes, stuffed and smoothed cheeks. It’s obvious, right? No.
7. Sunglasses in every shot. What are you hiding?
8. That one photo. Thank you for including the one photo that gives an idea of what you look like in normal life.

On the two different platforms, while Hinge didn’t make my NYC/August review list, I gave it a new run yesterday. My takeaway:

Hinge: appears to be where many people are going who don’t like online dating. Or, at least, have grown tired and weary of other platforms. I like the option for adding a voice intro. I think you can add a video intro as well. I think the ROSE thing is stupid. Sell me a boosted “hello.” It’s not going to help if it’s not a match for the other person. Same goes for “super swipes.”

Bumble Again: I find this platform the easiest to chat with new people. The woman is in charge of the contact. Great. I’m in. Bumble too suffers from Promo Pressure. Boosts. Super-likes. If she’s not interested the SUPER anything isn’t going to make a difference.

Facebook Dating: The lowest of the low. Lazy people not really wanting to put much effort into their profile, their pitch, their interest. Snooze-fest. And the fact that it only works on your phone is dumb. Perhaps Zuck and Co. purchased the app from a 3rd party and are judging if they want to include it in the website system. My guess is no. It will not survive.

A Moment on Process

Here’s my plan:

Match > Chat > Talk on the phone > Go for a walk > Imagine the possibilities.

I used to put too much weight to swiping only on perfect matches. In this mode, I can see how I was passing on a lot of lovely ladies with potential. Here’s my new thought. Don’t spend too much time reading bios and trying to match your compatibility. The app is doing a lot of that for you. If there’s a potential swipe RIGHT. See if you enjoy the Chat phase before moving on.

The Face-2-Face Meeting

This is the goal. If you spend too much time in virtual land it might come as quite a shock when you meet in real life to discover their photos are 15 years old. Or their personality is vanilla.

The gate for me is a single phone call. Amazing how many bad “hello dates” I skipped because of the tell-all phone call. People are pretty real when you ask them a question. If you have a hard question for me, ASK. I’m open to it. Be prepared to answer your own question.

If the phone call goes well, then we’re onto scheduling. Here is another huge stream of information. Are they too busy to set a time? Have they rescheduled more than once? Do they show up late? The intention of the other person becomes clear when they are “too busy.” That’s not a condition, it is an excuse. It is a pass. Move along for someone who has time and emotional availability.

EQ

Emotional intelligence is one of the foundations of my partnership plan. And, while I am alone at the moment, I’ve had four long and intentional partnerships in the fourteen years since the divorce from the mother of my two children.

I am happy. I am joyous in my approach to life, even when things don’t go as I’d like them to. Can you roll with the setbacks? Can you take responsibility for your own misses and mistakes? How do you describe your last relationship? Are you honest about what went wrong and what you want to do differently?

Understanding can come from experience. Also, Brené Brown’s BRAVING is a great start. We need to be vulnerable together. Let’s start with a clear understanding of what’s MINE and what’s YOURS. From there, we can clearly map our path forward.

Summing It Up

I’m not in a hurry. In fact, at this moment, my need for a partner is less urgent than before. As we get a little further down the road, we value our alone time, our outside activities and friends. I don’t need a partner to complete me. I’d like a partner to share my life with.

I’m here to help, if you have questions or would like a wingman for this wild journey we’re on. Dating can be daunting. After a divorce with kids, many people give up.

Good luck out there, to both of us.