New Era Online Dating Exploration

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I’m not going to share just yet about why I’m rebooting the online dating platforms… For now, let’s just say I’m curious.

Online Dating Is Getting Worse

In my recent survey of Bumble, Tinder, OkCupid and Match.com I found a few stunning new developments.

Tinder and OkCupid are BAD – don’t waste your time
Match.com is the big market – and full of scammers and FAKE PROFILES
Bumble appears to be intact – with some serious caveats

Let me illuminate Bumble:

I like that women get to control the flow or start of any conversation
I like that by PAYING I can see any bumbler who swipes right on me
I was intrigued by the Premium + level subscription AND DON’T WASTE YOUR MONEY
It only takes one conversation to make your day – even if it doesn’t pan out

Online dating is more about inspiration and intention. Today, I doubt if you’re going to find a true connection very easily with any of the online dating platforms. Here’s why.

Profile photos are easy to manipulate
Women have smoothed, edited, and highlighted, photos so hard they appear to have blurred or erased any blemishes and thus personality from their photos. (The Kardashians are not your look, please.)
A pretty woman is going to be flooded with YESes. No matter how many women I swipe right on, my return on swiping is about 100 – 1. (The good news, it only takes ONE.)
Our culture is addicted to entertainment and luxury. And thus so many profiles have women glamourizing their drinking habits, their travel budgets, and their ample (perhaps enhanced) boobs.
The depth of most profiles is “travel, happy hours, and working out at the gym.”
The system is rigged to NOT SHOW YOU YOUR REAL MATCHES. Imagine if they hooked you up, on your first week on Bumble. You find your person. GUESS what happens next? You quit paying for their app. Online dating sites are withholding the best profiles, showing you, at most, one or two YES potentials a week.
It’s a fact that 25% of all online dating profiles are fake. Either 1. they are working in Indonesia for the platform pretending to be a 30-year-old hottie interested in you, or 2. they are OnlyFans sales pitches “Come see my explicit profile here.”
Many people using online dating apps don’t want to date, they are just playing around, shopping, and seeking the thrill of a flirt.

What’s The Alternative to Online Dating?

I’m glad you asked. I’m working on my next book on the topic. Here’s the first post I wrote about it over a year ago. Quit Swiping and Get Out There

Here’s what to do instead of online dating swiping and hyping.

Define your own happiness as a single person. (what makes you happy – even alone)
Build more healthy habits and join activity communities or groups around something you like
Go out, seek musical events and sporting groups you’d like to be a part of
Pause before jumping into a relationship, be patient, watch for red flags
Finding YOUR inner happiness and mental fitness will go a long way to attracting a similarly fit person, possibly at one of the events you attended as part of #3
Stop hunting your next partner. Instead, make yourself irresistibly joyful.

And If You Must

Bumble appears to have the most honest online daters, in my experience. However, my data set is literally, two people. Back in the day, I met my first long-term girlfriend on Match. Several years earlier on OKCupid. I’ve never had a successful swipe on Tinder.

I’d be interested to hear what your experience has been with the primary dating apps. I will continue my exploration, including a deep dive into why Bumble’s Premium + is a RIPOFF, but Premium is essential.

Last word on dating apps. It IS a numbers game. I would’ve never met my last partner without an online connection, we simply would have never crossed paths. Did I fall too easily for a winning smile and a confident partner? Maybe. Would I have done anything differently? No. I/We gave it our best shot. If you’re going to date and your intention is a LTR, then put all your eggs in each basket as they become available. Don’t half-ass your way in life or love. Go ALL IN or wait on the sidelines until you get your priorities and goals straight.

Look for the joy of another person. Listen for joy. What gets them excited?

Namasté,

John McElhenney – life coach austin texas
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