This morning has followed my typical routine. I’ve had my two cups of coffee and a small bowl of yogurt. I got plenty of sleep last night. And generally, things are fine. But I want Uber-Fine! I want Rocket-Fuel-Fine! I want my third cup of coffee. [brief pause while I brew up a cup of decaf.]
But I’m not going to have my third cup and here’s why.
- My enthusiasm will become overpowering.
- I will miss nuance in most conversations since I’m planning rather than listening.
- I will shoot for the moon and be exhausted by noon.
- The warm fuzzies may become the cold jitters.
That does not prevent me from WANTING the third cup, but I see the benefit of staying feet-on-the-ground real and having decaf instead. [BTW: this decaf with a little organic coconut oil is delicious, and my body doesn’t know it’s 98% caff free.] I’m going to have to deal with the normal problems of a normal day with non-heroic energy and strength. The third glass (coffee or wine) is a reach for something other than what is real.
For me, coffee is more of a draw than wine because I often am hoping to fire up the creative juices rather than shut them down. But wine is also a draw as the day winds down and I’m contemplating more coffee, so I can create more during the evening, or wine, so I can unplug and get to sleep, unaided, at a reasonable hour. Of course, some of my greatest creations were born of insomnia, so… Every now and then I go for the full-caff past 2 pm and I hope for inspiration.
The thing about wine, for me, is it loosens up some parts of my inhibition. Now, in reality, I need to learn to loosen those worries, anxieties, stresses without alcohol, but a single glass of wine does the trick nicely. And if I’m going for escape, for me, the second glass is all I need to trend towards bed rather than the writing desk. Usually, I’m in the mood for the writing desk. It’s what I do for fun as well as for money. [Well, more on that later.] It’s what I do for entertainment, at this point.
The wine tends to release some inhibitions and stress while giving me a somewhat blunted view of reality. That’s okay. And on Saturday night, it’s a perfect time to unplug the laptop and kick back for some SNL or House of Cards. No problem. But during the course of my normal weekly routine, there are very few evenings where I choose to disconnect rather than remain lucid. I don’t want to miss a minute of this wonderful life, and alcohol takes some of my observational acuity away.
Back to the racy side of the third glass. This morning, the third cup lacks the rocket fuel I was hoping for, while giving me the comfort of another warm and tasty beverage. Still, I want something more. I want some creative burst of energy to unhinge my morning, set me alight, get me going. Alas, I think I am stuck with my normal routine and my normal, earthbound self, to tap through this post and get on to my day-job at the factory.
The third glass for me ALWAYS sounds like a great idea. My brain and my heart want that extra boost. My spirit and mind know that it’s not such a great idea for me. Sometimes, sure, but often, no. I need my powers of observation and wit to be sharp and pointed. Anything that blunts or amps-up those powers is not serving me in the long run. So, I’ll sip my decaf this morning, and dream of the stratosphere, but I’ll remain here in my seat with typical human powers.
back to Dating After Divorce
Read all of the “Third Glass” series:
image: my decaf takes the fun out of life, john mcelhenney, creative commons usage