I have to admit I do appreciate a minor amount of intoxication. I don’t do it often, but when I do, I revel in the relaxation, the joy, the fun of cutting loose. But that’s a little different from oblivion. When we seek oblivion we are looking to escape something, to get away from the complexities of life or living or love or loss. I understand this. Sometimes, I’m board, I want to be entertained for an hour or so and then I just want to black out into sleep. Well, not black out, black out, but you get what I’m talking about. I think, at times we all want a little oblivion.
For me, when I was suffering from depression over the holidays that oblivion came in the form of a very comforting sleep medication. Ambien. No matter how rotten I was feeling, I could count on a good night’s sleep when I took my little pink generic. And at $15 for a month’s supply, what’s to stop me, right?
Turns out while I did need help sleeping for a few nights when my love of the sleep became something I looked forward to each day, that was a different desire right there. I was no longer having trouble sleeping, I was looking for the warm fuzzy of sleep. The big black blanket of pharma-enhanced sleep is what I was craving as an escape from the hard times.
I joked with my therapist that I was managing my life between Ambien doses. That’s funny, but it wasn’t very far from the truth. See, if you don’t go straight to sleep, Ambien can make you a bit euphoric. And when you are depressed, a tiny sliver of euphoria can go a long way towards making you hopeful about joy in your life once again.
[read the rest of the story in The Third Glass – Available Now on Amazon.]