Once you have decided to move on, you must understand that your former partner owes you nothing. Closure is a myth we like to "go for" in our breakups, but closure is up to us as individuals.
As long as we are getting closer, and we are learning from our relationship mistakes, we can pick ourselves up after a breakup, knowing that we gave 100%. And, more importantly, we are closer and better equipped for the next potential partner that agrees to join us in "the arena."
From the position of strength and clarity, you can set out on our next relationship adventure with all of your confidence and energy pointing towards your goal. You do know your goal, right?
And when we have done the very best we can, given trying circumstances, and fought to the very last point, it is okay to accept defeat. And in defeat, learn the lesson of the day. The lawnmowers are going to show up in your life. You cannot control them. But you can control your response to them, by taking responsibility for yourself, and ultimately, taking care of yourself.
Today, I release the devil I know in both him ("step-dad" stereotype personified) and my ex-wife. I hope that their mutual anger and unresolved pain can find resolution at some point in their lives. I no longer have to give him a centimeter in my heart.
By sharing my pain about the divorce, my struggles with depression, and my adventure to become the best dad I can be, I believe I am giving others a chance to feel some of their pain and loss through my story. By living through it, by persevering, and by continuing to live on the positive side of life, I am giving my kids an example for our to live their lives.
The parents in Marriage Story tried. And when the mom is unable to read the things she loves about her husband, we see her hot flash of realization as she leaves the mediation without engaging in the process.
There was absolutely no reason for my ex-wife to file against me with the welfare connections system of the state of Texas. She did it specifically to hurt me financially, emotionally, and physically.