I Am a Red Flag: Dating Again Can Be Challenging
Who shows up in my life next is a mystery, but I intend to give 100% of my available attention to her. This is how I do it.
Becoming a single dad was one of the most traumatic events of my life. I did not want the divorce, I fought against the divorce, and ultimately I agreed to collaborative divorce and was taken to the cleaners by an ex who decided to go for the “divorce package” rather than honor our 50/50 shared parenting agreement.
Who shows up in my life next is a mystery, but I intend to give 100% of my available attention to her. This is how I do it.
So much of co-parenting is about negotiation and compromise. We no longer have the same loving emotional ties to our former partners. We no longer have to make their urgency and priorities our own.
There are plenty of single parents who use their kids to get out of almost every obligation. Even obligations to themselves, for say... exercise, dating, taking responsibility for their own actions. And I have been the dad who apologized for checking his phone when a text dinged while on a date.
If enthusiasm and authentic affection open the connection, what are the things that will keep our fires burning bright and burning in concert with one another?
I have been employed or working under contract for most of the time since the divorce. And today I'm gearing up to start a new job so that I can get some money, but more importantly so that my kids will get some money. And yes, the dinosaur will be fed and happy in the next month.
And, as far as I can plan, I'm planning to go with my lover. Even my aspirational goals consider her. Happiness is far better when shared.
Announcing the Deep Dive Podcast of The Whole Parent. Free discussions about the most important articles on The Whole Parent.
Know what you want. Know what you offer. Don't oversell. And for fks sake: DO NOT SETTLE.