Self-care takes many forms. What we know, is most of us do not take enough time off. We drink coffee to fuel our days and interrupt our nights. Self-care is the process of unwinding ourselves from the rat race and giving our bodies and our souls time to recharge, play, and be quiet.
In this day I release my ex-wife. I release my two lovely children from any frustration I have at not being able to book time on their busy teenager calendars. I release myself from my expectations of where I would be at this point in my adult life.
As I licked my wounds alone, I could only imagine the parties that were still going on in my old house. The bathtime fun, the friends over on the weekends, the breakfast and dinner routines. Time. That is the real loss in a divorce. My ex-wife got most of it. I got the dregs on alternating weekends.
I have approached dating as a process to identify, qualify, and ultimately partner with a single woman. The dating part is essential, but dating is not the goal. Sex is essential, but sex, also, is not the goal. Working to identify and explore a combination of these three factors, is how I am navigating my approach to finding my next long-term relationship.
Love your kids with everything you've got. Let go of your ex, as best you can, and focus on the impact your love is having on your kids. Stay true to that value and you will always choose the high road.
Today, the law serves the best interest of the kids and the mom. Dad is seen as the breadwinner, and thus the "paycheck" for divorcing moms who are showed the divorce brochure and the good deal they are being offered.
But at that moment, in the end, I still loved her, still wished it had worked out for us. I still felt the dream we had written for our future. But somewhere along the path, we both turned away from the relationship and towards our previous dysfunctions. I was sad. She was drinking. And we were going out separate ways.
My ex knew I would not sue her for 50/50 custody. She didn't want to lose 50% of the time with her kids. 30% sounded almost palatable. Painful, but well worth the freedom she imagined just ahead, as she headed towards becoming a single mom.
How do we men get away with exiting our responsibilities so easily? How do our women not ask us clearly for what the need, over and over, until they get it? Perhaps most of you do. I was the husband that was always trying to find ways to make my wife happy, rested, and relaxed. I did everything I could.