Drinking is an individual choice. How much you drink is also a choice that each of us makes. As we move into adult romantic relationships, we need to talk about drinking. What I learned in the course of these pages is that drinking becomes a problem when it affects one of the partners in a relationship. At that point, drinking may be a shared problem.
If alcohol is being used to escape from the stress and troubles in your life… your relationship… your past… You might want to examine your relationship to alcohol. As my girlfriend poured her Third Glass I understood that to demonstrate that she was exiting our intimate evening for some altered state of her own making. As she continued to make that choice, night after night, I had to come to terms with my feelings of loss and isolation. I loved her and she kept drinking herself into an unrelatable state.
Drink if you want to. Make sure you are aware of your motivations when you begin to fix the third cocktail. In my experience, that Third Glass came to represent a turning away from me and away from intimacy. I would choose to drink with her from time to time, but I could not follow her into the nightly oblivion. I wanted a close relationship.
A friend asked me, “Why would you ever be in a relationship with someone who could turn away from you in that way?”
When she asked me this question it was as if a light went on inside me. I responded, “I won’t.”
I set a course for a more conscious relationship, one that put an intimate connection with me above the intoxicating escape of The Third Glass.
And check out my two posts about #SoberOctober:
More articles from The Whole Parent:
- Dad’s Divorce Journey: 9-years Later I Still Feel the Loss of Kid-time
- Heal Your Heart from the Fear and Loss by Opening with Vulnerability
- Self-Care and Appreciation: Can I Love All of Myself Right Now?
- 3 Required Traits for Building a Lasting Relationship
- The Big Three Marriage Issues and the Hope of Counseling
- 8 Lessons from My First 2 Divorces