Parenting is the biggest adventure you can set in motion. By becoming parents you are agreeing to give a priority to your children, over yourself. The sacrifice of becoming a parent is about making a better life for our kids.
As parents, our relationship may not work out. In divorce, we’ve got an opportunity to remain connected as a cooperative co-parent. Our role as divorced parents is to support our kids with less concern for ourselves or our disappointment in our ex-partner. It is important to leave your anger and frustration behind, and pay attention to your kids and their needs.
When you lose your kids to divorce and then to teenagehood, you really have to begin letting them go. It's only two years before my son will be heading out on his big adventure. What can I do with him in the next two years? How can I show up for both of them?
If two parents want to co-parent as friends, want to share expenses as co-parents, and want what's best for their kids, WE HAVE GOT TO CHANGE THE SYSTEM.
Once I took my own anger out of the communication loop I began to heal and move on to the next stage.
There's no good way to share that the holidays are a tough time for me. I will be looking after my own health and happiness much of this season, to assure that no meltdown occurs in my life. But I will also leave some of my bandwidth open for my kids.
When working through the details of our parenting plan, she played the "family law" trump card and let me know I would not be getting 50/50 parenting, because if she went to court she knew she would win exactly what she wanted.
I would have NEVER gone for more than the 50/50 shared parenting we agreed to when we began the collaborative divorce discussions.
The general mode of life with dad is positive and happy. I am *so* happy to have them on the days and nights I am afforded, that there is little room for complaints or nagging.
Don't get caught up in nostalgia that doesn't inform or help you. When you find you're moping in the sadness of nostalgic regret, change the channel.