My motto for dealing with my ex-wife and her anger: Focus on your children. Love your children.
Parenting is the biggest adventure you can set in motion. By becoming parents you are agreeing to give a priority to your children, over yourself. The sacrifice of becoming a parent is about making a better life for our kids.
- Dad vs. Moms: We’re All #Parents or #SingleParents
- Dear Ex, We Are Different By Design
- Moving from WE to US: How Becoming Parents Grows Our Love – Episode 8
- Bad Habits We’re Supposed To Outgrow As We Become Parents
- The Prayer for All Single Parents (downloadable)
- The Blurry Lines Between Divorced Parents: Entitlement & Narcissism
- The Joy of Young Parents
- The Love Hurricane: Becoming Parents
- Love All Parents: The Single Parent’s Manifesto
As parents, our relationship may not work out. In divorce, we’ve got an opportunity to remain connected as a cooperative co-parent. Our role as divorced parents is to support our kids with less concern for ourselves or our disappointment in our ex-partner. It is important to leave your anger and frustration behind, and pay attention to your kids and their needs.
Give your partner the ravishing they are longing for and you might get your connection needs met at the same time. A win-win.
Now that they are mostly out of their mom's house they have a bit more autonomy of thought. And when she throws a shitty bomb in between us, we can usually identify the *bs* and choose to not bite.
I believe, 100% that my kids would've benefitted by having equal time with me after the divorce. They would've gotten a more balanced picture of life, struggles, and recovering from hard setbacks.
It's hard when you're on the receiving end of someone else's trigger. But we can get better at identifying our own triggers and triggered moments. And there are ways to help our partners notice when the rage or sadness that is coming out of them, might be a bit bigger or deeper than the infraction that caused the initial pain.
For the last years of his life, my buddy will do whatever he does as an old dog. I will watch him zigzagging around the back yard and try to remain happy for him rather than sad for him. I will love on him as much as I can. And I'll be aware of how my emotional attachments and complaints are mine alone. He's a dog.
Dads are equal parents. Some dads are deadbeat dads. Some moms are deadbeat moms. Some parents are assholes. Let's not be assholes to each other.
One of my kids is thrilled to stay in touch with me. We FaceTime most days. I offer them support and advice. My other kid only reaches out, or even responds to my texts, when they want money.