Co-parenting Revised: Sex and Drugs and Rock’n’Roll
SEX: YES with protection; DRUGS: IF YOU WANT, when you're old enough: ROCKNROLL: MUSIC is good, you decide the genre.
SEX: YES with protection; DRUGS: IF YOU WANT, when you're old enough: ROCKNROLL: MUSIC is good, you decide the genre.
I have a bit of a mood problem. It seems that when my life gets really tough (bounced checks, trouble at work, arguments at home) I sometimes collapse into a depression. It's not often, but when it happens it surprises everyone around me with the change in my energy, demeanor, and general outlook on life.
While I don't blame my then-wife for "going for it" and asking for everything she wanted: the money, the house, the custody, I don't think she was thinking beyond her interests. And we can all cite studies about mothering and nurturing, but today, just as many modern studies show the dad is of equal importance in bringing up healthy kids.
It was a reality I could not manage. In the end, it was a reality that should've split us up and did. I am now free to have a relationship with a woman who enjoys life, and who wakes up laughing as I do.
It's all about the kids. If you've still got a beef with your ex you need to get over it. There's no point. You might have disagreements about stuff, but those should be handled with the same intensity as a convenience store clerk.
Yes, divorce is hard. Trying to whitewash every single detail of a co-parenting relationship in some fantasy land haze would be of benefit to none of us. I am committed to owning my part in the divorce, always. And I am hopefully clear on my self-awareness when it comes to my own struggles with money, depression, communication breakdowns, and disagreements with my ex-wife.
You can't replace or redo the lost time. But you can grow back into your full self, into a whole parent, and be even better when they are with you.
As I prepare for my back to school, end of summer, dip I know that I am better prepared for the eventual final departure of our kids. I just wish it hadn't come so soon in my marriage.