Depression aside, the most powerful work we can do on ourselves is to get straight with our family of origin. It may take a lifetime, and you may not be able to fully rid yourself of the unhealthy influence, but you've got to keep trying.
I was showing myself that I was emerging from one of the longest depressions I've been in as an adult. For me, creativity and brain health go hand in hand. So I'm happy to be back, still working, but on the upswing.
Sex with someone, anyone, is not very much more fulfilling than porn and my own left hand. So I don't look for this type of sexual gratification as an initial part of my dating process. And I'm pretty clear on my dating profiles that I'm not looking to hook up or jump in the sack.
Do things you love to do and as the other person to join you. Join the other person in the things they like to do. Watch and learn how each of you deals with hardships and see if you can find a supportive way to remain close and connected.
I tell friends that I'm getting married and I get that look. Like, "What? Are you kidding?" I'm not kidding. I'm proud of the fact that I've found my next mate. And should I be as tenacious as I was in my second marriage, I think this one might be for keeps.
One positive parent can make 100% of the difference. I'm not perfect, and occasionally I want to lash out when she does something that seems unreasonable. I don't. I never do.
This morning I give thanks for the flexibility and caring my ex-wife shows me and my kids when they ask for some new connection. We've both worked hard to get here. And as we work better together everyone benefits.
I've given up imagining that my words or actions can change her in any way. We'd like to think we can make another person happy, or comfortable, or secure. Unfortunately, we cannot.