Do things you love to do and as the other person to join you. Join the other person in the things they like to do. Watch and learn how each of you deals with hardships and see if you can find a supportive way to remain close and connected.
I tell friends that I'm getting married and I get that look. Like, "What? Are you kidding?" I'm not kidding. I'm proud of the fact that I've found my next mate. And should I be as tenacious as I was in my second marriage, I think this one might be for keeps.
One positive parent can make 100% of the difference. I'm not perfect, and occasionally I want to lash out when she does something that seems unreasonable. I don't. I never do.
This morning I give thanks for the flexibility and caring my ex-wife shows me and my kids when they ask for some new connection. We've both worked hard to get here. And as we work better together everyone benefits.
I was lead to believe that the kids needed their mom more than me, that a mom's love is somehow superior, or more comforting than a dad's love.
I've given up imagining that my words or actions can change her in any way. We'd like to think we can make another person happy, or comfortable, or secure. Unfortunately, we cannot.
I can be present, I can be honest, and I can be vulnerable with them. Today I saw the joy and blessing of a little girl with her mom and dad. I saw myself 10 and 15 years ago. And I woke up.
It's all new territory for me and most of us out there dating again after divorce. And I'm okay with that. We're all just trying to figure it out. It's a process. Onward we go with good illumination and perhaps a glass of wine.