Co-parenting is the process of becoming a partner with the other parent of your children. It begins the minute you discuss having children. The co-parenting agreement should span a lifetime, including what happens in the case of divorce. Start at 50/50 shared parenting? Agree to 50/50 shared parenting in divorce. Become great co-parents. Equals. Allies. Focused on your children and how you can support each other in the difficult journey ahead.
Even if your ex decides not to co-parent collaboratively with you, they are co-parenting, but in a negative way. You want what’s best for your children. You want a good co-parenting relationship. You want your kids to love you both. Weaponizing co-parenting is a toxic move. Stay positive. If you can’t co-parent nicely, then co-parent without negative inputs.
It only takes ONE PARENT to hold a positive post-divorce relationship. The enlightened parent can lessen the conflict at every stage of co-parenting. When I learned that positive only was the track I was on with my ex-wife, my co-parenting success was no longer tied to her poor behavior.
Not a percentage of salary earned. No, she believed, still believes, that the child support is her entitlement. This is no longer a relationship it's just a business contract. I am no longer a person to her, I'm a debtor. I'm the problem. I'm the reason she's unhappy.
Regardless of what you hear from your girlfriends or boyfriends or legal counsel, it's best if the kids have equal access to both parents.
The complications in a teenaged boy's life are many. Dad's love should not be another complication. I am here for him. And I can chill out a bit on my outreach. He knows I'm here. I have always been here.
So she's mad. She got what she wanted and she's still mad. Oh, and I'm still writing. I guess that's the hot poker that is still painfully inserted and irremovable.
Learn to love your anger and what it is teaching you about yourself, your past, and how you want to move forward in the future.
As single parents, I believe, that my kids and my connection to them are more important (just for this short period of time) than my happiness or my new relationship.
I believe in the sanctity of both parents and their ongoing relationship with their kids. The relationship that will last the rest of your life, and/or the life of your kids.
I launched The Whole Parent. I proudly put my name on the posts I began writing about learning to cope as a single dad with a less than cooperative co-parent.