Co-parenting is the process of becoming a partner with the other parent of your children. It begins the minute you discuss having children. The co-parenting agreement should span a lifetime, including what happens in the case of divorce. Start at 50/50 shared parenting? Agree to 50/50 shared parenting in divorce. Become great co-parents. Equals. Allies. Focused on your children and how you can support each other in the difficult journey ahead.
Even if your ex decides not to co-parent collaboratively with you, they are co-parenting, but in a negative way. You want what’s best for your children. You want a good co-parenting relationship. You want your kids to love you both. Weaponizing co-parenting is a toxic move. Stay positive. If you can’t co-parent nicely, then co-parent without negative inputs.
It only takes ONE PARENT to hold a positive post-divorce relationship. The enlightened parent can lessen the conflict at every stage of co-parenting. When I learned that positive only was the track I was on with my ex-wife, my co-parenting success was no longer tied to her poor behavior.
I cannot excuse my then-wife for taking the easy way out. Divorce is never easy. I cannot forgive my wife for snickering in the counselor's office when I asked for a 50/50 parenting schedule and showed my research and several calendar options. I cannot forgive her for making such a selfish decision that went against everything we agreed to in our marriage.
It was not fair what happened, and in many ways, my ex-wife was the architect and builder of the divorce.
In this day I release my ex-wife. I release my two lovely children from any frustration I have at not being able to book time on their busy teenager calendars. I release myself from my expectations of where I would be at this point in my adult life.
As I licked my wounds alone, I could only imagine the parties that were still going on in my old house. The bathtime fun, the friends over on the weekends, the breakfast and dinner routines. Time. That is the real loss in a divorce. My ex-wife got most of it. I got the dregs on alternating weekends.
I have approached dating as a process to identify, qualify, and ultimately partner with a single woman. The dating part is essential, but dating is not the goal. Sex is essential, but sex, also, is not the goal. Working to identify and explore a combination of these three factors, is how I am navigating my approach to finding my next long-term relationship.
It's been a hard journey as a single dad. But out of this wreckage, I hope I can bring the stories and lessons I've learned and continue to share them with others. Dads don't have to lose everything in a divorce.
Love your kids with everything you've got. Let go of your ex, as best you can, and focus on the impact your love is having on your kids. Stay true to that value and you will always choose the high road.
Today, the law serves the best interest of the kids and the mom. Dad is seen as the breadwinner, and thus the "paycheck" for divorcing moms who are showed the divorce brochure and the good deal they are being offered.