And when things don't go in our favor, even when we are not given 50/50 parenting, it is still our responsibility as men, to lead from a position of love and strength.
Co-parenting is the process of becoming a partner with the other parent of your children. It begins the minute you discuss having children. The co-parenting agreement should span a lifetime, including what happens in the case of divorce. Start at 50/50 shared parenting? Agree to 50/50 shared parenting in divorce. Become great co-parents. Equals. Allies. Focused on your children and how you can support each other in the difficult journey ahead.
- A Healthy Co-Parenting Plan: Hope for the Recently Divorced Parent
- Present Tense: Co-Parenting Disconnected
- I Am Not the Problem in the Co-parenting Relationship, We Are
- Would You Damage Your Co-Parent’s Livelihood If You Could?
- Understanding My Co-parent’s Malfunction: My Easy Indifference
- I Wish You Well, and Absolutely Nothing Else: Re-forgiving a Co-parent
- Becoming a Healthier Co-parent by Releasing Your Ex
- What Went Down: Divorce is Not Kind. Co-parenting is a Myth.
- Co-parenting Struggles: Withholding the Joy of Your Kids
Even if your ex decides not to co-parent collaboratively with you, they are co-parenting, but in a negative way. You want what’s best for your children. You want a good co-parenting relationship. You want your kids to love you both. Weaponizing co-parenting is a toxic move. Stay positive. If you can’t co-parent nicely, then co-parent without negative inputs.
It only takes ONE PARENT to hold a positive post-divorce relationship. The enlightened parent can lessen the conflict at every stage of co-parenting. When I learned that positive only was the track I was on with my ex-wife, my co-parenting success was no longer tied to her poor behavior.
My ex-wife screwed me in the divorce and she and the therapist that setup our 70/30 parenting plan knew it. They were not basing their plans on science, but on "what's best for the kids" mythology that has been perpetuated since my parents got a divorce 49 years ago.
Nobody wins in a divorce, but we can keep either side from losing if we stay present and positive in the coming months of negotiation and planning.
Why would someone attempt to mess with the relationship between her kids and their father? Still? 13 years later?
If two parents want to co-parent as friends, want to share expenses as co-parents, and want what's best for their kids, WE HAVE GOT TO CHANGE THE SYSTEM.
Today, I'm placing my heart with a woman who believes in me, believes in lifetime commitments, and believes in love as a guiding principle.
Once I took my own anger out of the communication loop I began to heal and move on to the next stage.
There's no good way to share that the holidays are a tough time for me. I will be looking after my own health and happiness much of this season, to assure that no meltdown occurs in my life. But I will also leave some of my bandwidth open for my kids.