There are not fewer things to coordinate when you become a single parent, in fact, there are more. The things you once traded equitably, now fall 100% in your lap when it is your parenting time. This new cadence can be jarring, frustrating, and make for some upset campers on all sides unless you plan ahead and go 100% Positive.
We have been programmed to think skinny and young is the only measure of beauty. That's kind of crazy since my opportunity or desire to be with a twenty-year-old is near zero. I'm looking for a mom, who's happy and radiant, and in her forties or early fifties. And I'm prepared to meet her halfway between the perfect body and working on it. We are in this for the long haul. And I guess, as over 50-ish people, we will always be "working on it."
I could not have negotiated a free weekend while I was married. I mean, I could've, but it would've been a real stretch for both of us. Today... Well, divorced,…
The SPO, or Standard Possession Order is what 90% of most co-parents will agree to. It's not 50/50, but over time, the courts have determined it is the easiest schedule for fractured families to adhere to. I'm not always sure I shouldn't have fought a little bit for something more equitable, but this is what we've got.
There is no time like the present to flip your anger into absurd, cackling, fake laughter. It's a known fact that your physical body doesn't really know the difference between real laughter and fake laughter. So if you give a big ol' Pee Wee Herman laugh, your body really thinks you are laughing. The endorphins and physical joy comes back into your system, fires up the happy side of your brain, and can bring you part of the way back to center.
So much of co-parenting is about negotiation and compromise. We no longer have the same loving emotional ties to our former partners. We no longer have to make their urgency and priorities our own.
So in walking away from my marriage, I am continuing to learn, that this is MY SHIT. Whatever it is I'm dealing with at the moment, she is not the cause nor the cure of the situation. I am the only one who can take action on my behalf.
There will be time for anger. There will be moments when anger is the only way you can find to stand up for what you believe to be right. But the rest is up to you.