Everyone wants a hack these days. This is a hack into your own wetware, your mind, you beautiful and often out-of-control mind. Learn to get a grip on your grip.

It is our responsibility as adults to understand and have strategies to slow and soothe our monkey minds. With all of our media, social media, unrest, stress, unemployment, and struggles, it is no wonder we’re all feeling a bit “on edge.” What we can do as adults is manage our own overwhelm. First for ourselves: get right with yourself, second, for the benefit of others (those around us), finally, for the benefit of all (bringing more peace into the World).

When we are calmer, our lives begin to become manageable. Most of us, were not taught how to rescue and relax a runaway mind. Here’s what I’ve learned about mine.

1. Our minds are fascinated by music (pick accordingly if you are trying to get UP or trying to settle DOWN for relaxation or sleep.
2. Our minds love discovering and following patterns.
3. Reading is an amazing form of soothing (pick your topics for desired effect)
4. Visualizations about your river of thoughts (roaring through or slow and calming)
5. A commitment to understand and get better at soothing ourselves

No one can do it for you. When you were a baby, moms and dads would have a role in calming you down after an upset, getting you ready for bed physically and mentally, and teaching you some ways to observe and slow your thoughts.

Did your parents teach you how to meditate? Of course not. Mine didn’t either. My sister, on the other hand, ten years older and a hippie, took me to learn TM (transcendental meditation) with her when I was 12. And while I don’t use my “mantra” revealed in those early sessions, I did learn to watch my own chaotic thinking experience. I learned to use my breath and language to relax, release, and awaken a calmer me.

Here are a few of my strategies for soothing my runaway mind.

Read An Engaging Book

Going through a prolonged period of depression and unemployment I began going to the local library and checking out stacks of books. Some I might not have made it through, some I didn’t understand, and some were just imaginary places where I could send my thoughts for a few minutes or a few hours at a time. Reading is an amazing brainwash to pull you out of your recursive mental loops. Start with a book you loved as a kid, or a favorite of all time. (My three are: Catcher in the Rye, Siddhartha, and The Razor’s Edge.) Let your mind go somewhere else for a while. Let your processing power work on language crafted to fill you with ideas and images. A distraction? Yes. But, often distraction is a one of the best reboots for your thinking.

Listen To Music (tempo and style to taste and intention)

Music hits us in many ways, both the notes, the instruments chosen, and the words and voice of the singer. You can use loud and violent music to numb out your mind, but this is not a fruitful path. You cannot stay inside an aural CBGBs for the rest of your life. I prefer music that aligns with the mood I’m trying to cultivate at that moment. I go for pop (Beatles, U2, Dua Lipa), and rock (The Who, Led Zepplin, Rush), and current pop (usually what my daughter is sharing with me). With a decent pair of headphones, I can escape in to the music. My mind can follow the various instruments, decode the lyrics, fall in love with the singer. My mind becomes fascinated with the layers. With my intention, I can redirect my attention to different parts of the music. I can imagine myself playing the bass in a Tame Impala song. Hear the tone of the bass, the notes, the effects applied. As I learn to move my attention around, music becomes like a church of interesting patterns for my mind. Let the fascination begin. If it leads to learning to play a music instrument or sing, better still.

Observing the Patterns Racing By

When you turn your attention to your attention it is helpful to use metaphors to grasp and harness our thoughts. When our minds are racing, under great stress, anxiety, even an agitated depression, we can put a label on what we notice. Here’s how I came up with this idea.

Wow, my thoughts are flowing by like we’re nearing Niagra Falls, I can’t follow much of the rush, it’s overwhelming. Let me just watch the flood and see if I notice anything.

Slippery Fish in My Mind Money

Money keeps coming up as an issue, a topic, a swell in the raging river. Okay, let me pay attention to the money idea for a second. Am I unemployed at the moment? Yes. Am I about to default of my mortgage? No. Wait, I have a mortgage? SUCCESS. YAY. Money. Yes, I need to get a new job. Have I been putting in job applications and responding to recruiters emails? Yes. Let this one flow on down the river. Let it go.

Back to the flow of ideas. A river. A raging river. Can I see the sky, the sun or moon, the bank of the river? What are the details of the water? Freezing cold? Frothy? Glassy and smooth? Looking at the river (my visualization) how can I slow the flow? How can I look for the various threads (fish) that are contributing to my runaway mind? Watch the river of your mind. Slow the river of your mind. Observe the river of your mind. Pull out another fish.

Slippery Fish in My Mind Love

I’m lonely. I broke up with my long-term girlfriend this summer. I’m in no hurry to date again. I’m taking time to rest, reset, and retarget my efforts. Love is cuddling. Napping. Watching a show together. Listening to you talk about your day. Holding hands through thick and thin. Love love love. I don’t have another lover, but I have self-love. Love of my life. Love of my children. Even my daughter’s dog, a recent resident, is love. I can be alone and feel loved. I am love. Love is flowing down the river. It does not make me sad or anxious. I am resting on the bank of the river of love. The weather is fine. The afternoon breeze is giving everything a magical and heightened quality. Just with my mind. The river. The flow of ideas.

Back to the big river. What’s next coming down the stream? Have you been able to slow the pace a bit, push back the falls?

Committing To Yourself

The practice of slowing your thoughts, conversing with your fears, and releasing the anxieties about future events, is part of growing more conscious and more calm in our navigation of life. We’re all in the same river. What I choose to pay attention to is up to me. Commit to observing your racing thoughts next time you feel things slipping out of your control.

Here’s the good news: no one is in control. And the other good news: Your mind is yours to train. Train it well. Teaching kids about self-soothing is also a critical responsibility that is being left to TikTok and Headspace. We should parent with ideas about meditation, spirituality, and mindfulness. It’s how we give back to the world with responsible caring kids—and being conscious and caring adults.