I wanted my marriage to continue, but it did not. And that failure has given way to such joy and happiness that it's hard not to thank my ex-wife for giving me this new opportunity for a joyous life.
When the other partner decides to ask for divorce there is very little the committed partner can do. The fracture has happened. The other person has declared they are considering divorce. Then that option is forever on the table and could be used as leverage.
That's how the first home base became a hostile environment for both of us. We labored to keep the kids out of the fray and we began couples counseling two very different perspectives.
We have all done a lot of prep work to get here. There is no sadness at what we are leaving behind, even as the new ship is bare walls and survival systems only, at this point.
I wish my co-parent all the joy and love in the world. I can no longer provide any of those things. But I can be a soft cushion when she needs to hit or collapse into something. I resolve not to hit back. But, I won't stand-in for the drama anymore. I will only take my responsibility. I will only pay attention to the business between us as we continue together in co-parenting.
Hitting delete instead of send can make all the difference. I had another one of those moments this morning. An email from the mother of my children saying some passive-aggressive things…
Still, I'm not sure where her playful person went. I was offering new ideas while I was also trying to accommodate her "clean house" and "stable bank account" requirements. But I don't think she ever put a LOVE LIST together.
And I am happy for the healing in my family that has come from flipping all the negatives of divorce on their ass and finding the way back to love. Everything in my life is about love. And the love and support of my kids comes before all of my own needs and goals.