So much of co-parenting is about negotiation and compromise. We no longer have the same loving emotional ties to our former partners. We no longer have to make their urgency and priorities our own.
There are plenty of single parents who use their kids to get out of almost every obligation. Even obligations to themselves, for say... exercise, dating, taking responsibility for their own actions. And I have been the dad who apologized for checking his phone when a text dinged while on a date.
And, as far as I can plan, I'm planning to go with my lover. Even my aspirational goals consider her. Happiness is far better when shared.
As I learn more about my personal investment in threads, and my reluctance to let go of an elevated connection, I am better able to manage my own interactions, my own energy, and my own decisive disconnection of a golden thread.
When we get dark and cannot see the way forward, we need people who are reaching out to us, connecting with us, even when we're feeling good and not reaching out to them. We need friends along the path.
She got the house, the kids, and the money. She played nice for about a year and a half. Then she got greedy. She didn't like my new prosperity and happiness.
As we move forward as "this half" of the family, I am certain that my best time with my kids is ahead of me. And that's all the good news you need to hear today. Keep going.
My actions and words are all I can control. My goal is to always do my best. And give everyone around me their own agency to make plans, change plans, and find their own way forward.