Becoming a single dad was one of the most traumatic events of my life. I did not want the divorce, I fought against the divorce, and ultimately I agreed to collaborative divorce and was taken to the cleaners by an ex who decided to go for the “divorce package” rather than honor our 50/50 shared parenting agreement.
If she drinks the third glass I begin looking for what I'm going to do that evening when she's fallen asleep. If she asks for water, my mind enters into a different set of fantasies that involve her participation. The real joy is that we've had this discussion.
We've all got issues. Let's own them. Let's take those bastards out and flog them until they no longer flog and confuse us. Own your issues.
I've found it very helpful to remain in the present moment when dating someone new. Try NOT to jump into the future scenarios, the "what ifs" and "what abouts." And when you are thinking that you both want the same thing, do some reality testing.
Dads understand parenting. Dads understand moms. Dads who are working at being good men are also looking to build a relationship on trust, vulnerability, and openness.
I do believe I am enough. I am practicing mindfulness and self-care in a way that encourages my own inner confidence. And, in my real measure of attractiveness, I'm really joyful.
Sad Note: Thom Hofmann left the planet in late November. His penguins are happy and his poems are now being appreciated by so many angels. Godspeed, dear madman. Read Thom…
Let's find the lighter path together. And if we find ourselves walking along it together, and continually renewing our intentions to get together again, maybe that's enough. I'm really ready for the "ready and centered" woman to show up.
The trick is breaking the cycle. My little death pony had me on his back and was telling me all kinds of lies about my failures, my upcoming failures, and my ultimate demise as a failure.