Divorce is a cruel storm. If we could see our ex-partners as humans rather than combatants, we could begin to heal the pain. We’re in this together, no matter how it turns out. Humans of Divorce are people who are doing their best in spite of the negative actions of their co-parent.
I was having a hard time maintaining a healthy relationship with myself, why would I want to bring someone else into my fractured life? I answered my own frustration by shutting down all of my profiles.
"Taking a year to really work on me, and be happy with me..." As Richard rebuilt a house in the Zilker area of Austin, Texas, he was aware of how the house was a metaphor of his self-recovery process. "I worked on the entryway of me. And then I had to work on the inside. I need to open up space, and make space for somebody."
What am I willing to give up to be WITH someone. What would "tonight" look like if there were another person waiting in the wings to spend time with me.
Come listen to an interesting conversation about masculinity, about relationships, about relationship capacity and emotional growth. Our conversation follows Mark from his experience as a man in a failing marriage, through his self-awareness process, and finally his homecoming in a long-term healthy relationship. We're going to talk about a lot of things, but at the heart is how we find and co-create a relationship with a partner.
Being in a loving relationship is a continuous process of micro-corrections in our everyday lives together. We will all have difficulties and disagreements, the trick is how we choose to address them as a couple. In a healthy and consciously aware relationship, we can make choices that move us towards our partner.
Today, I release the devil I know in both him ("step-dad" stereotype personified) and my ex-wife. I hope that their mutual anger and unresolved pain can find resolution at some point in their lives. I no longer have to give him a centimeter in my heart.
By sharing my pain about the divorce, my struggles with depression, and my adventure to become the best dad I can be, I believe I am giving others a chance to feel some of their pain and loss through my story. By living through it, by persevering, and by continuing to live on the positive side of life, I am giving my kids an example for our to live their lives.
The parents in Marriage Story tried. And when the mom is unable to read the things she loves about her husband, we see her hot flash of realization as she leaves the mediation without engaging in the process.