Returning to the Scene of the Crime: Nostalgia and Lessons Learned
Each time I let myself reenter the sad times, the sad places, and let my soul feel the wear and tear of the hard and long journey, I begin to heal those old times.
Health and fitness begin in your mind. Can you eat better? Can you exercise 3 – 5 times a week? Can you give your own body the love you’d like to shower on a partner? Health is your number one commodity as you get older. Stay healthy by taking little steps towards a better, stronger, you.
Fitness and health are the currency of growing old. Let’s do it with intention. Don’t hope to catch up later, get on a health kick, eat better, sleep better, love better. Your fitness and health are the most important things in your life. (Maybe after mental health, in my case.)
Each time I let myself reenter the sad times, the sad places, and let my soul feel the wear and tear of the hard and long journey, I begin to heal those old times.
I do think my ex-wife and I could've agreed to 50/50 parenting and gotten a judge to sign off on our agreement. But she would never have given up her legal/strategic advantage. Perhaps she was doing what she thought was best for the children. Perhaps. But I think she was more self-centered than that, she was doing what she wanted, regardless of the impact on the kids.
What I wanted (what I want) is stability and trust. What I want is something more authentic than I had in my marriage or with my fiance. What I want is someone who can lean into the troubles and work them out. What I want is someone who can express affection easily and frequently.
Don't let any of your shit fester and darken your experience of life. Life is too short to be compromising with someone you don't love 100%. Oh, and it's your responsibility to love them at 100%. It is your intention and actions, for the rest of your life, that will determine the success of your next relationship.
Make a change or learn to be happy with what you have. Change is the only real choice of action. Be IN or OUT of your relationship, but don't nag and complain and then not take responsibility in your own life and your own participation in the relationship.
For fun, drink. For relaxation, drink. As a reward, drink. As an aphrodisiac, drink. Okay, let's not buy any aƱejo, I said to myself that last few times I've been next door to the liquor store having dinner. In the same way I refrain from buying a pint of ice cream every time I go to the grocery store. Just don't do it.
I have a deep appreciation for my ex-wife and her own personal struggles in the divorce. I do hope you find happiness. And as our last child exits your house, I hope you are able to enter a new chapter of your life, where I am not the bad guy.
Today, I am accepting love on all levels. I am also attempting to hold another person's best interest above my own agenda or expectations. It's not easy, but this, I believe, is the magic trick of building a long-term loving relationship. The mom-kiss is a wonderful tool for breaking down some of our fears and barriers.