Co-parenting is the process of becoming a partner with the other parent of your children. It begins the minute you discuss having children. The co-parenting agreement should span a lifetime, including what happens in the case of divorce. Start at 50/50 shared parenting? Agree to 50/50 shared parenting in divorce. Become great co-parents. Equals. Allies. Focused on your children and how you can support each other in the difficult journey ahead.

Even if your ex decides not to co-parent collaboratively with you, they are co-parenting, but in a negative way. You want what’s best for your children. You want a good co-parenting relationship. You want your kids to love you both. Weaponizing co-parenting is a toxic move. Stay positive. If you can’t co-parent nicely, then co-parent without negative inputs.

It only takes ONE PARENT to hold a positive post-divorce relationship. The enlightened parent can lessen the conflict at every stage of co-parenting. When I learned that positive only was the track I was on with my ex-wife, my co-parenting success was no longer tied to her poor behavior.

Our Response to Someone Else is 100% Up to Us: Choose the Positive

I have to let go of what I wanted the divorce to look like. I have to let go of the part of me that wanted to remain close as co-parents and celebrate our children's victories and rally around them in their discomforts. Today, I cannot do this.

Continue ReadingOur Response to Someone Else is 100% Up to Us: Choose the Positive

The Struggle is Real: Dads Headed for Divorce Must Fight for the Kids

My belief is moms and dads should agree that they will both ask for 50/50 custody in the case of a divorce. My agreement is more of a set of vows. I have not written a legally binding contract, like a pre-nuptial, that governs the money in the case of the divorce. I have written an agreement that governs the promise between the two parents to share the love and parenting of their children in a balanced way for the rest of their lives.

Continue ReadingThe Struggle is Real: Dads Headed for Divorce Must Fight for the Kids

The Masterclass on Divorce: Finding a Light After the Loss

Always ask for what you need. Your partner cannot read your mind. And that angry look your giving them may not convey what you're hoping to convey. Talk about it. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt.

Continue ReadingThe Masterclass on Divorce: Finding a Light After the Loss

The Irreconcilably Irritating Present And How to Find Peace in It

I like to drive fast. This is a constant opportunity to tap into the irritating nature of the present moment. As I want to go fast (both in the car and in my life) I am always pushing up against the slower cars of the rapidly growing population of our fair city.

Continue ReadingThe Irreconcilably Irritating Present And How to Find Peace in It

“When Are You Going to Get Over Your Divorce?” Is the Wrong Question

If we could balance out the misguided and harmful family court system in favor of a 50/50 cooperative parenting culture, we would have healthier kids. We would also see fewer wealthy bulldog divorce attorneys hawking their winning strategies. In a divorce, no one wins. But in divorce moms and dads should be considered equally.

Continue Reading“When Are You Going to Get Over Your Divorce?” Is the Wrong Question

The Loss of Kid-time Has Been the Biggest Source of Pain in My Life

In the nine and a half years since the divorce, I have seen my daughter approximately 8 days to every 22 days that my ex-wife gets to see her. This arrangement seems to support the idea that the mom is the primary caregiver in the family, or that moms deserve the majority of the children's time.

Continue ReadingThe Loss of Kid-time Has Been the Biggest Source of Pain in My Life