If you understand your desire and what you want (both in a partner, in a sexual experience, and in life) you can take clear and intentional actions toward that goal. Your desire is your guide and your fuel. Your path is always towards what you want. Tuning into your desire is step one.
Our children have probably learned more about relationships (good and bad) from television and porn. It's part of why all of us are so confused about what makes for a healthy relationship.