I'm not all that good at dating yet. I mean, I don't really know how to BE. I try to be "myself" of course, but I'm too involved, too hyper, too talkative. I don't listen as well as I should. But the part of the problem, that I'm just beginning to understand, is my habit of projecting any "potential" relationship off into some imaginary future. What I mean is, I sometimes have a problem staying present.
Only through adventuring together, only through giving it a 100% shot and not holding back, are we capable of discovering a partner who is willing and capable of going there with us.
Finding and keeping love is about going to the well every single time. And when you find fire pouring accelerant on it by really, fully, and truly, asking for what you want. You must go for it to get it.
When I do get those few right swipes I imagine a "hello" date that goes well. That's just the beginning. What usually happens, in the case of the women I'm matching with here in NYC, is that certain threads become clear.
The rest is negotiation, navigation, and nurture. We've both got work ahead of us. We are always in a state of becoming. But today, I have my lifetime cheerleader beside me. And I'm always ready joyfully embrace her in all of her flaws and misdirections. We've all got them.
Back to the bare walls and rebuilding from nothing. Back to the feelings of being booted from my former "happy life" as a dad and husband, and into some unknown, stripped bare, emotional roller coaster of the last 8 years of my life.
100% Matches Only: If you settle at all, you will be disappointed. Eventually, we're all going to be disappointed in our partners. But this disappointment should not be about our connection or compatibility with the other person.
The thrill of getting to a second date... Well, don't blow it. Just be cool. Don't lead to fast or too far. Take your signals from your date. Listen intently for emotional intelligence. Are they telling stories about past relationships, or future ideas, or work, or working out?